Lucky Number 7

2009-04-09T00:48:00.002-04:00

It's been a while. I was going through some old files and found this that I recently sent to the White House. Don't get me wrong, I like Obama and wouldn't want his job for ANYTHING but I am tired of us being picked on...

I live in the Detroit area. Growing up, my dad worked for an automove supplier so the domestic auto industry raised us. My husband also works for an automove supplier and so our life is paid for by the auto industry. I am very much devoted to the US car industry and I am just tired of them being dumped on all of the time. Rahm Emanuel's recent comments about GM have really ticked me off and I just feel like I need to say something.

I agree, the health care part of the big 3 is out of hand. Yes, the automotive has probably made their fare share of business mistakes. Can we please look at the number of industries that have done the same? Can we look at the banking industry? Can we pick on someone else for a change for doing just what the auto industry did? Can we stop this double standard that treats the auto industry as a second class citizen?

Emanuel also comments on GM pushing the gas guzzling cars. Well, Mr. Emanuel, that is what people wanted. That is what they were buying. Had it not been for a spike in gas prices, that is what they would probably still be buying. Instead the market made a quick turn to smaller, more fuel effecient cars. Here are a couple of things to consider.

Of the top 10 gas guzzlers, only 1 is a US car and it is a Jeep product.

If you have 3 small children, the choice of vehicles is very limited. We bought a minivan recently because we had wanted to have a third child and needed a car that could accomodate 3 car seats. Do you know how many cars can do that? Well, frankly, we didn't find a single car that could. The only vehicles that could were mini vans and SUV's. A smart car can't really fit 3 5-point harnessed seats in the backseat.

At the Inagural parade, the number of gas guzzling SUV's was amazing! Of course, I was proud to see all of the domestic cars, but holy cow, you are telling me that the police couldn't drive regular cars? So, the police and government are ok driving these gas guzzlers but the everyday person should not?

The large vehicle market made a very quick turn. Do you really have any idea what it takes to come up with a new vehicle. There is the design and engineering. This is for every single component of the vehicle. A prototype needs to be built and tested. That means that every part, every wire, every wiring harness, sticker, piston, etc. needs to be produced. The vehicle is then hand built and then tested for safety, driving, to see if all of the components work. Then, when the car is approved, the plants need to reconfugure the whole line. Every aspect needs to be changed. The large jaws that grab the frame of the car, you can't just take the one that was picking up and Escalade frame and use it to just pick up a teeny tiny car frame. Every supplier needs to manufacture the parts they are producing for the car, etc. My point is, they can't just switch from what everyone was demanding one week and make a 180 turn the next week.

I appreciate the aid you are loaning to the auto companies (and can we also make a larger note of the fact that these are LOANS, not handouts like the banking industry) but wish that the big 3 could get a little more respect instead of always being the kid on the playground with the glasses and funny hair that everyone feels they can just pick on. That kid means a lot to us and has taken good care of Detroit, Michigan and the US for a long time! That kid deserves some respect.

Christmas Eve one year later

2008-12-28T00:05:00.003-05:00

Here is my post about last Christmas Eve...

Back when I was expecting J and it appeared she would be born early, I just kept saying that I hoped the baby would be born by December 21 or after Christmas so that I could be home for Christmas morning with C. Well, since my girls are very strong willed and have minds of their own, I should have known. Sure enough J was born on December 22nd.

I was very sad about not being able to be home. I had planned ahead just in case and I had C's Christmas Eve and Christmas outfits all set out and coordinated so that daddy could dress her nice and cute without having Geranimal tags to lead him along. Little did I know...

Christmas Eve came. My dr. came in and asked me if I wanted to go home. I told him I wanted to do what was best. My dr. said he really would rather I stayed in the hospital one more day and left on Christmas. By then I had come to the conclusion that Christmas morning for C was like every other morning and we could just as easily celebrate our family Christmas morning on the 26th or any other day for that matter.

Everyone was busy planning their day. My parents picked up C and my mom got her dressed guaranteeing that her hair was combed and she wasn't wearing her striped tights with her plaid dress. They took her to church and dropped her off at home so that she and her dad could go and celebrate with his family. (They always celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve) My parents did decide to make a quick stop by the hospital because they felt bad that we had no visitors that day. Honestly, it was such a nice day for us. (not that I didn't appreciate the visit)

Christmas Eve Night of 2007 will always be my favorite. I don't think I can ever top it. I didn't have to unwrap gifts, I didn't have to stay up late for church and to play Santa... Instead I just laid in my hospital bed enjoying holding my little Christmas miracle. The drs. had discharged as many patients as the could so the hospital was very quiet and the nurses were all so relaxed and didn't even come in the room all that often. I ordered from the special Christmas Eve menu and had chicken, mashed potatoes and chocolate cake. It was not the gourmet meal that my husband and C were eating (in laws are wonderful cooks) but the peacefulness and joy of that night are something I will never get to experience again and one that none of my family were lucky enough to enjoy. Every Christmas Eve, I know I will remember back to that night and how perfect it was.

Just after midnight I kissed my new little being, and wished her a Merry First Christmas.

This year it was so great to remember back to that Christmas Eve. Once again, J was very cuddly so I was snuggling her in bed and she again asleep in my arms. Just like last year, I kissed her good night right after midnight and wished her a Merry Christmas.

The Holy Family... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA WAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

2008-12-27T23:41:00.002-05:00

So, I received an e-mail asking if we would be willing to be the holy family for our church at the 4:30 Christmas Eve service. The woman explained that they really were in a pinch and needing someone. She pointed out that C would be up in choir loft so she would be a cute little addition to our holy display.

My first thought was lauging and thinking, HELL NO!!! (not a good response due to the nature of the question but I was laughing as I was thinking of it) After thought, my response back was...

I am flattered that you considered us for the holy family. Here is the scenario that I see playing out...

The husband would NEVER go for that so we would need a substitute. My 43 year old self and my brother just seem like a "wrong" choice on so many counts. Age, the brother/sister thing, etc. Next, J is walking now and let me tell you, that girl ONLY wants to walk and she wants to do it all the time. She is and always has been a total party girl. All those people staring, well, she would want to put on a show, walk all over the place. Everything an hour old holy child would NOT be doing. C being up front, well, that would only result in C yelling at J, "no baby, no", "no, no, no!". The peaceful vision of the holy family, well, that is FAR, FAR from my family. As it turned out, J starting a high pitch wailing as soon as Silent Night started and she had to be taken out, C was crawling all over th choir loft and my husband looked like he wanted to just go home and watch Judge Judy.

Yes, I know my family well, and we are far from the Holy family!

'Tis the season (for too much stuff)

2008-12-18T10:32:00.002-05:00

Toys, Toys, Toys!!! I am tired of toys. My kids do not have a crazy number of toys yet still, it seems like they are everywhere.

On one of my boards I posted on, someone had a great idea that we are going to adopt. 3 gifts per child. That's it. Those 3 gifts represent the 3 gifts the wisemen took to baby Jesus. I think that is a great idea. They don't get so much stuff and there is meaning to the amount of gifts they do get. Obviously, they will get stuff from Grandmas and Grandpas and aunts and uncles, but the gifts from Santa, mom and dad and sisters will be limited to 3.

If nothing else, I think the state of the economy is somewhat because of greed. People wanted so much stuff and they bought it with money they didn't have because they just wanted it and felt they always needed more.

I am also hoping to teach about giving starting this year. I asked dh what he wanted for Christmas and he said nothing. That he doesn't want to spend the money right now. I explained to him that C needs to start learning about giving. What would he need to buy himself over the next month or so. Underwear, socks, windshield fluid? Anything? It didn't matter what it was, I just want C to learn that we give gifts too. I just wanted her to have something to give to her daddy. He did finally give in and he will be getting a shirt which is way more exciting then windshield fluid.

Think it won't impact you?

2008-11-22T00:23:00.002-05:00

So, yes, the auto industry has not been the greatest as far as business goes. They have been slow to change, pay and benefits have been crazy. I know, I have thought the same things but now we are in a crisis. I know a lot of people who feel this will not impact them. These are mostly people outside of Detroit and Michigan. Well... read this!

"Detroit's car makers employ nearly a quarter-million workers, and more than 730,000 other workers produce materials and parts that go into cars. If just one of the automakers declared bankruptcy, some estimates put U.S. job losses next year as high as 2.5 million."

That is if only ONE declares bankruptcy. Do the math. The potential for all 3 could be 7.5 million jobs!

It will impact you!

I just don't understand...

2008-11-05T00:37:00.003-05:00

I know there was a historic election and I am personally very happy with the outcome. Today though can't erase the sadness from Monday.

I got information last week that the 17 year old son of my favorite buyer at my old job had died. It was not an illness and obviously a shock. The funeral was yesterday.

I have for a long time questioned my faith/religion and things like this make me question it that much more. Someone one pointed out something to me and I think I had a bit of a revelation. Faith and religion do not have to go hand in hand and are really not even the same. I do consider myself a person with a lot of faith. If I did not have faith, I would not have my beautiful girls. Even with miscarriage after miscarriage, I did have faith that we could finally have a child and then that we could have two.

I have tried hard to be "religious" but I guess I just don't believe in a true God. I do take my girls to church and C is in the church choir so we sing about God. Fact is, I don't want my lack of belief in a God to influence my girls thoughts one day. I want to expose them to church and then let them decide where to go with their faith/religion one day.

This funeral yesterday just seemed to really do it for me. I just think, if there is a God, how very cruel to take away a 17 year old son. Yes, the priest said that he is now with God, his father. Well, I want him with my friend, his father here on earth (along with his mother and 2 sisters) When I saw my friend and hugged him, I could just feel that heaving that your body does when you are trying to hold back the sobs that make you want to drop to your knees. It just killed me to know that someone was going through such pain. He just said "Dear God, let me just get through this." Maybe it's because I am a parent now, but I just can't imagine a loving God who would make someone go through that.

I know there is a lot of rambling here, I am just typing as thoughts come to my head.

I hear and see others who have such a strong belief in a God and I wish I could have that... for now, I will have to settle for having faith.

Pictures speak louder then words...

2008-10-21T00:28:00.005-04:00

Could I be more proud?

Yep, that's my girls. No it is not photoshopped, it's a real picture of them up in Time Square.

The little mother

2008-10-07T23:55:00.005-04:00

C is such a little mother. She of course picks on her real life sister, but her babies and dolls, she just loves them and takes such good care of them. (naked dolls all the time does not constitute bad care)

She will rock then, feed them and tuck them into bed. I went in her room the other day and found this. She had made a little hammock bed for her BedBud doll and covered her with a wipe I had given her to give her bedbug a bath.

While it is so sweet, it always makes me so sad when I see her just loving her dolls. She is doing so great in speech and physical development. I have accepted that she is delayed and that is ok. For the most part, I don't really even get all that sad about that part. What do I get sad about... that she will never have her own children to nurture like her dolls. It's very hard to be a mom and know from day one, that your little girl will never have her own little girl. I know how lucky I am to have C here living and breathing but it is still the one thing that can always bring me to tears.

Slow down the ride!!!

2008-09-23T02:09:00.004-04:00

J is 9 months old today. I can't believe how fast the time has gone. It seems like not long ago I was so excited to be at a late point in her pregnancy and now she is growing up fast.

I always felt that C's Down syndrome made it possible for me to enjoy the "baby" time so much more. Well, now having J, I can see how right I was. I loved that extra time with Cand I am in awe of the speed of time with J.

9 short months ago, this little being came into the world. She was so peaceful and so helpless. Now she is crawling, pulling up, walking around furniture and standing alone for about 5 seconds. 9 short months ago, she was too tiny to easily even take a bottle. Now she tries to eat anything she can get her hands on including some gnawing on C'c pizza. (keep in mind she only has 2 teeth) 9 months ago, I would just hold her non-stop. Now I have to rock her to sleep if I want a chance to hold her. A few weeks ago, I just sat and held her sleeping for about 3 hours. It was so peaceful and so rare. I wasn't going to miss my chance.

So, while I know this is scattered, know that, while I wouldn't change anything about either of my girls, I would love to slow down the ride and enjoy the little ups and downs and turns that go along with being a mother.

You may not like this one

2008-09-18T00:39:00.003-04:00

Well, we are on edge in our house. Why you ask? Well, dh's company is doing a 10% layoff. 10% of their employees are being laid off. He works for a company that supplies to the auto industry.

Think about it. What is your biggest investment? You house right? Well, what is your second biggest investment? Your car. Do you buy your house from overseas? Do you order it and have it shipped here? I don't think so.

Our economy, and not just the economy in Michigan, needs people to get back to the "Buy American" thinking of the 70's.

The most common response when I say to buy American, is to say that the American cars are all from parts made overseas. Yes, many of the parts are, but many of those companies (like my husbands) are also based here in the US and employee many, many Americans. In the end, you are supporting an American based company that pays Americans. That company also supports many smaller suppliers her in in the US who then pay other Americans. Those Americans then use the money they earn to buy computers, hire accountants, get medical care, grocery shop, pay for Cable TV and on and on. If those Americans are not being paid, you are not just hurting the auto industry, you are hurting everyone that depends on that and let me tell you, in the end, you are probably only a few steps away from being impacted buy the record job losses.

The next response is that foreign cars are higher quality. BS... My last 3 cars all lasted 5-7 years and all had well over 100,000 miles and they were HARD miles. On top of that, how long do you really keep your car? Do you need a car that lasts 15 years when you only intend to own it for 3 years? Yes, I did have issues with cars, things to happen, but you can't name me a single car where it never needs a single repair in over 100,000 miles. Domestic cars are high quality and very safe! (my new one has 5 star safety rating all around!)

Are you disgusted that everything in stores is made in China now? Do you peel that Made In China sticker off before you give someone a gift you bought? If so, then why is it so ok to pride yourself, even brag about buying a huge ticket item from Japan, Germany or Sweden?

I was born and raised to buy American cars. I will always and forever buy American because, fact is, my family, friends, state and in the end, a good part of the national economy need the return to Buy American!

Think next time you are car shopping. Are you supporting people you know, your fellow Americans or the people and economy of another country?

Happy Birthday C!!!

2008-08-20T00:20:00.003-04:00

4 years ago, at 12:19 am, C took her first breath and she has taken mine away ever since. Happy birthday beautiful!

On a more positive note, some people/companies DO get it.

2008-08-12T16:14:00.005-04:00

Check out the Coca Cola commercial for the Olympics...

http://www.specialolympics.org/Special+Olympics+Public+Website/English/Press_Room/Global_news/2008+Olympics/New+Olympics+Coke+Commercial.htm

Once again, the "R" word is thought to be acceptable...

2008-08-12T15:50:00.002-04:00

and in this case, funny.

Here is the article from the New York Times.

Nationwide ‘Thunder’ Boycott in the Works

By MICHAEL CIEPLY
Published: August 10, 2008
LOS ANGELES — A coalition of disabilities groups is expected as early as Monday to call for a national boycott of the film “Tropic Thunder” because of what the groups consider the movie’s open ridicule of the intellectually disabled.

The film, a movie-industry spoof directed by Ben Stiller, is set for release on Wednesday by Paramount Pictures and its DreamWorks unit.

“Not only might it happen, it will happen,” Timothy P. Shriver, chairman of the Special Olympics, said of the expected push for a boycott. Speaking by phone, Mr. Shriver said he planned to be in Los Angeles with representatives of his group and others to picket the movie’s premiere on Monday evening in this city’s Westwood district.

A particular sore point has been the film’s repeated use of the term “retard” in referring to a character, Simple Jack, who is played by Mr. Stiller in a subplot about an actor who chases an Oscar by portraying a mindless dolt.

Mr. Shriver said that he had also begun to ask members of Congress for a resolution condemning what he called the movie’s “hate speech” and calling for stronger federal support of the intellectually disabled.

“The most disappointing thing, the most incredible thing, is that nobody caught it,” said Mr. Shriver, who, as a co-producer of the DreamWorks film “Amistad,” is no stranger to the studio. He spoke of what he described as the studio’s and the filmmakers’ blatant disregard for the disabled even as they stepped carefully around other potentially offensive references, notably in a story line that has Robert Downey Jr. playing a white actor who changes his skin color to play a black soldier.

In a statement on Sunday, Chip Sullivan, a DreamWorks spokesman, said the movie was “an R-rated comedy that satirizes Hollywood and its excesses and makes its point by featuring inappropriate and over-the-top characters in ridiculous situations.” Mr. Sullivan, in the statement, added that the film was not meant to disparage or harm people with disabilities and that DreamWorks expected to work closely with disability groups in the future. But, he said, “No changes or cuts to the film will be made.”

Formal complaints about the content of films are not uncommon, but well-coordinated boycotts are fairly rare. The groups involved said that they represented millions of members and associates. Perhaps the most striking use of the tactic involved “The Last Temptation of Christ,” released in 1988. Religious groups that considered that movie’s depiction of Jesus blasphemous called for a boycott of companies owned by MCA, whose Universal unit made the film.
DreamWorks and Paramount have shown “Tropic Thunder” in more than 250 promotional screenings around the country since April, but significant complaints came only recently, when marketing materials for the movie caught the attention of advocates for the disabled. The tag line on one mock promotional poster on a Web site, since removed, read, “Once upon a time there was a retard.”

Over the weekend an ad-hoc coalition of more than a dozen disabilities groups — including the Arc of the United States, the National Down Syndrome Congress, the American Association of People With Disabilities and others — laid the groundwork for public protests to begin Monday.
The groups refrained from formally asking that viewers boycott the movie, pending informational screenings that were scheduled for their members at eight locations around the country on Monday morning.

But representatives of the National Down Syndrome Congress saw the movie at one such screening on Friday and immediately advised fellow advocates to expect a film sufficiently offensive to justify mass action.

“I came out feeling like I had been assaulted,” said David C. Tolleson, executive director of the Down syndrome group who saw the movie.

Mr. Tolleson and Peter V. Berns, executive director of the Arc of the United States, said on Sunday that they could not recall a similar coalition of disabilities groups forming against a film. Mr. Berns noted that some people had objected to the use of the word “retarded” in “Napoleon Dynamite,” a comedy released by Fox Searchlight and Paramount’s MTV Films unit in 2004.
“But there’s really been nothing near this magnitude,” Mr. Berns said.

In earlier interviews with The New York Times, Mr. Stiller and Stacey Snider, chief executive of the DreamWorks unit, said the movie’s humor was aimed not at the disabled but at the foolishness of actors who will go to any length in advancing their careers.

After meetings and conference calls with Ms. Snider and others, the studio altered some television advertising, but declined to edit scenes from the movie.

“Tropic Thunder” is likely to be the last movie released by DreamWorks before its top executives — Steven Spielberg, David Geffen and Ms. Snider — formally announce their plans to become aligned with a new company to be financed by Reliance Big Entertainment of India. The three will continue to be involved with at least a dozen films at Paramount but are expected gradually to shift their energies to the new enterprise, which will probably distribute its movies through another studio.

Mr. Shriver said that he had spoken with Ms. Snider and others at DreamWorks about “Tropic Thunder” and came away convinced that they had no plans for mitigating measures.

Their response, he said, convinced him that the time had come for his group and others to strike a far more aggressive public posture on behalf of the disabled. “The movement needs to enter the public eye and not just be talking among ourselves,” he said.

To many, this may seem like acceptable humor. To all who know our family, and our daughter, C, this movie is mocking her and others with intellectual disabilities. Please support C by not supporting this movie or anything that has to do with it. If you want to go further you can sign this petition.
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/stopTropicThunder/?e

You can also call Ben Stiller and leave him a message at 323-602-5000 or send an e-mail to
contact@dreamworksfansite.com

If you want to see a little more on the movie, here is another article by Patricia E. Bauer who specilizes in writing on issues involving disability issues.
http://www.patriciaebauer.com/2008/08/08/just-the-facts-tropic-thunder/

45 Minutes!!!

2008-08-10T00:50:00.003-04:00

Well, C got her glasses over a year ago. She needs them to try and correct some crossing issues. She is a very strong willed girl and she did NOT want to wear them. $300 down the drain.

I am not a huge fan of her watching TV but since J arrived, she has been watching more then I would like. So, one of her favorite shows is the "kids show". That would be John and Kate Plus Eight. She just loves it. We were watching it so snuck on her glasses and handed her a bag of animal crackers.

EUREKA!!! She kept her glasses on for 45 minutes! If we can do this more, maybe it will correct her crossing. She'll be a tv adicted animal cracker fiend, but hey, what ever works.

ARGHH!!!

2008-06-23T14:25:00.003-04:00

I have no other title that I feel I can say.

Yesterday I was working. The girl at the register next to me was one of those people that just drives me nuts and rubs me the wrong way. Anyway...

I was on break. The store always has music playing and it's usually upbeat stuff that most everyone knows. I don't even remember the song but I walked back at the end of it. Stephanie says, "Peggy may know." I asked, know what. She said "what was that show in the 80's that had the MONGOLOID kid in it? What the HELL???!!!

Yes, that is a term that was used a long time ago. She is about 24 and I have no idea where she would get that name from. Anyway, while my mind was going WTF? My mouth said, the show with the boy with Down syndrome, was Life Goes On. I was not in a mood to educate right then (or for that matter in the place to educate). I did tell her we had seen Chris Burke and his band at a couple of Buddy Walks. She said, you met Corky? I said, no, not met him but yes, we had seen his band.

She said, maybe I am ignorant (HELLO... Ya think?) but how can he play in a band?

My response was "what?"

"How can he play in a band?"

I said why wouldn't he play in a band and before allowing her to say something else, I started my limited education lesson. I told her people with Down syndrome can do all sorts of things. They go to college, have jobs, get married, live independently, etc. I explained that I fully expect C to go to college and have a job one day. She then asked what causes it and I gave the chromosome education. She then asked (gotta smack the girl for continuing to ask questions), "then how come they all look alike?" Wanting to just cold cock her, I said, they don't and her response was, "the ones I have seen do." Of course, I could have focused on the "ones" part of that statement. Like, my daughter and others with Down syndrome are objects. Instead I just got an irritated tone (surprised it took me this long) and said "well, I think I have seen a lot more kids and people with Down syndrome. I asked if she thinks that the caucasian kids with Down syndrome look like the Asian kids, the African American kids, etc. I explained that C looks like her dads family and not like the other kids in her class with Down syndrome. I said that yes, they do have some features that the syndrome tends to make more prominent, but no, not all people with Down syndrome look alike. (I am half tempted to take her an album of all of the kids we have met and what they all look like!)

I am sure this conversation could have gone on until I just had no choice but to either poke out my ear drums with a hot poker or to beat the crap out of her until she was senseless but apparently, somebody already beat her senseless!!!

Anyway, that is my rant for the day. The whole thing didn't as much upset me as it made me wonder, who here has the challenges? My child or people like her who are perceived as "normal"?

Safety first

2008-05-22T15:32:00.006-04:00

The next two posts are something that came to me from a post on one of my message boards. I don't think any words I could say would even close to what these two videos can.

I am not plugging one seat, there are others out there now that can hold larger kids. I am plugging that you should 5 point harness your kids as long as possible in whatever seat you can! The other is to keep your child rear facing as long as possible. Yes, you can turn them at 1 year and 20 pounds in Michigan, but child seats will allow rear facing longer then that. (your carseat manual will tell you the maximum for rear facing) The safest position is rear facing so get/leave those kiddies rear facing as long as you can! C was rear facing until she was just over 3. She never minded it but even if she had, it wasn't up for negotiation. Rear facing is safest. I can't protect my kids from everything, but every place I can assure their safety, you bet I will. I would rather have an unhappy child in the car then an empty carseat anyday.

Safety first. Use your seats and protect your children to the maximum!

Importance of a 5-Point Harness Carseat

2008-05-22T15:32:00.001-04:00

The Importance of Rear-Facing

2008-05-22T15:25:00.001-04:00

Happy Mother's Day!

2008-05-10T23:32:00.007-04:00

Well, I have another reason to celebrate this Mother's Day. I was lucky enough to be blessed with another beautiful daughter.

Mother's Day is still always a bittersweet day for me. It is a day I remember the 6 Mother's Days that I was so sad, wanting to be a mother to a child here on earth. I had angel babies, but no living children. I did consider myself a mother, but to everyone else, I wasn't. I look into the eyes of my 2 girls, but also look into the sky and wonder about the 8 others who just didn't make it to us. Would they have been boys or girls, would they have my eyes, dh's chin, etc.

I view our lost babies as bodies that couldn't make it to earth. I always felt they were the same soul, but that soul just needed to find the right body. At the same time, I still see each as a little being and a little being to be mourned.

While I am so happy for myself, I am sad for all of the women out there who are longing for a child in their arms. The ones who haven't met that special person who they want to have a child with. The ones who have been trying and it just isn't happening. The ones who are on an adoption waiting list. The ones who had the joy of a positive pregnancy test only to find out the baby couldn't survive. To ones who lost a child after birth. For all of these mothers, I still shed tears on Mother's Day. I now know the joy and I wish every woman with the desire to have a child, could have it. I am so sad that they miss out on what I am so blessed to experience.

So, to all mothers, those with living children, those with angels and all of those with the dream of a child in their hearts, I wish you peace on this day and hope that you know, you are a mother.

Happy Birthday to me!

2008-04-29T23:54:00.003-04:00

Well, in only 6 minutes, it will be my 43rd birthday. What a year it has been. This time last year I was pregnant but didn't even know it yet. I found out on May 4th! It was a roller coaster pregnancy with spotting, gestational diabetes, low amniotic fluid and another early arrival but it all worked out so great

What am I doing for my birthday you ask? Well, I am getting all of my carpet and my couch cleaned. Yep, that's my birthday present to me and I can't wait!!! Used to be I wanted a massage, a pedicure, etc. Now, I want my carpet cleaned. Of course, I will also be getting a new camera lens, a tag for my medical alert bracelet, etc.

So, Happy Birthday to me! Maybe by this time next year, there will be a third and final addition to the family. The idea has been brought up again by the husband so we'll see!!!

Here is a new pic of me and my favorite gifts of all!

"The Business of Being Born"

2008-04-21T23:24:00.005-04:00

We rented this documentary tonight and I wanted to give my opinions and impressions. I will start by saying these are my views and they in no way are meant to insult the views of others. Like anything, your life plays a huge role on your impression of things.

C was an emergency c-section. She had low fluid the final 3 weeks of my pregnancy. She failed many non stress tests but would barely pass the bio-physical profiles. When the fluid finally went too low, we induced. She had a very consistent heart rate in the 160's through my pregnancy. They started the induction and at 2 cm, and only about 3 hours into it, her heart rate was dropping into the 90's. We, with the dr, chose to go the c-section route. With J, I chose to do a repeat c-section. As I always say, we are the "1 in" couple. Less the .5% of the population suffer through as many miscarriage as we did. (know anyone else who had 8?) Our odds of having a child with Down syndrome were 1 in 300 based on my bloodwork. Well, we were the 1. When you say there is a "1 in" chance of uterine rupture or for that matter, ANY other risk, I won't take it. I have excellent physicians (high risk) who I trust like no other. I wholly trusted them 100% with my most precious blessings.

It was over 11 hours before I was able to hold C but that was because she was in the NICU and after hearing about the Down syndrome diagnosis, we didn't want to go to the nursery right away. I had to have some time to wrap my brain around what we had been told. With J, dh held her after about 3 minutes and I was able to hold her as soon as I was stitched up. I held her into the recovery room, I looked over every part of her, told her I loved her, I did what a mother does.

All in all, I thought the documentary was well done, but one comment did make it hard for me to view any of it with 100% credibility. Towards the end, one dr. (I wish I made note of his name) explained that endorphins are released at birth. These endorphins are what make you love your child. He said that when women have a c-section, they don't have those endorphines and they can't care for their child as well. WHAT??? I am an excellent mother and I love my daughters to the end of the world. With that thinking, a woman who adopts would have NO instinct to love their child and seeing my friend who adopted, that is as far from the truth as possible. I really believe that a mother is not born, she is created and that creation comes in many forms.

I think it all boils down to the same problem that lies in many, many areas of medicine. People need to be educated and given their options. I learned this first with C Did you know that 90% of parents with a prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome terminate the pregnancy. I don't judge those people. Their life is not mine. I instead judge the drs. who give out dated information and in many, many cases, make a parent feel there is no choice. The ideal would be to educate the parents to be, give them the options and let them make an educated choice based on meeting with parents, getting updated information etc. I saw this movie the same way. No way of birth is right and perfect for every women but the choices need to be out there. They need to know what is available, meet with women who have been though the various forms, etc.

Most of all, I think women need to stop judging other women. I refuse to let anyone make me feel like my c-sections were the easy way out. That I missed the experience. I wanted to be pregnant, I wanted to have a healthy baby. I got both of those and the few hours in-between, for me, were just a small part of my dream and I am happy with the road I took and I would do it all over again.

Tradition

2008-04-17T23:08:00.005-04:00

When C was born, as I have said before, her Down syndrome was a shock to say the least. When the time came for her baptism, fact is, I really didn't want to even do it. I was so angry at God if there even was a God. (still religiously challenged) We went through with it to keep the family peace.

When I worked for a photographer, a woman came in for portraits of her daughter in her christening dress. It was the most beautiful dress I had ever seen and I asked the mom about it. She said it had been made from her wedding dress. I just thought that was the greatest idea! I tucked it in the back of my mind.

When the time came for C's baptism, I wanted to do the same. My mother in law is a great seamstress. She asked me a good 10 times if I did indeed want her to hack up my wedding dress. There was never a hesitation. The one and only problem... my family.

We had a family dress that had been worn by all of the females for 3 generations. The gown was 100 years old that year. Well, to say the least, my mother was not overly pleased that I was bucking history. I tried to explain that I wanted this dress to have that special meaning to me... it was time for a new tradition.

I thought about doing pictures of C in the family dress just to have them to show my mom but fact is, and not sure exactally how to say this, I was just not into it. I felt like I was a hypocrite, I felt like C was not worth my extra effort. Yes, terrible, but fact is, that's how it was. I so wish I had done those pics now. Obviously, she was so worth dressing up and photographing in the dress. Of course, I can't go back in time but I did take some pics of J in the dress so I don't regret it twice.

Here are some pics that show the original wedding dress, C in the gown made from that and some of J in the family gown (and slip which I just LOVE more then the dress). Of course, you know I will be posting pics of J in her actual dress soon enough.

What I have learned!

2008-04-02T23:02:00.003-04:00

Well, I have been a grocery store cashier for a whole month now. I have been a grocery shopper for many, many years and have learned more in 1 month then over all of those years as a shopper.

From the other side of the register, let me give you some tips...

1. DO NOT GROCERY SHOP AT THE REGISTER. What does that mean? It means, if you know you have $60 and only $60, take a calculator to the store. Don't go to the register with what anyone can tell is $200 in groceries. You are deciding one item at a time what you do and don't want to buy and want a running total. Yes, I will take that, no, take that off. How much was that one? No, forget it. Wait, leave that and put this one away. Oh, I don't want that loaf of bread. It's squished. Don't know how that happened with my 2 cantalopes on top of it. That wastes the cashiers time and do you think ALL of those groceries walk their way back to the shelf? No, someone has to take the time to return all of that stuff. The store has to pay that person and you in turn pay the store to pay that person.

2. DO NOT STOWE THE THINGS YOU DON'T WANT IN THE MAGAZINE RACK AT THE REGISTER. Yes, I did say to not shop in line but better to shop then to abandon that yogurt container that is found after who knows how long. Guess what, in the case of a perishable, we have to throw that out. That again means, food is wasted and guess who pays for that. Yep, you.

3. PAPER OR PLASTIC? Seriously, if you want to be green, there is only one way to do it. Invest in canvas bags that can be used over and over. Plastic bags last thousands of years. Paper bags use paper which comes from trees and the process of making the paper and then the bags, release by products into the environment which also lasts thousands of years. From the cashier stand point, plastic is WAY easier. Since the environment suffers either way, pick the plastic. Your cashier and bagger will secretly thank you. Then go out and buy those canvas bags. Yes, canvas is harder to bag like the paper, but at least when we are doing it, we know it really is for a good cause. Check around the house. Bet you can find at least 3 canvas bags counting those free ones that came with magazines, clubs you joined, even a beach bag not being used.

4. THE WORST OFFENSE? CAN YOU GUESS... I bet you can. HANG UP YOUR CELL PHONE! Seriously, is your conversation so important that you can't hang up and call back while you are checking out? Fine, talk as you walk through the store (although if you have on one of those ear things... you just look like a dork talking to yourself) but when you get to the register, when you are in a face to face with another person, HANG UP THE PHONE!!! In the month I have been there, and the couple hundred, and yes, I mean couple of hundred, people who have been on the phone while checking out, only 2 have apologized. One had just been robbed that day so she was talking to her insurance agent and the other had been trying to reach his elderly dad all day and was getting worried and he finally got through. Dad just wanted to chat so the man, red faced, apologized.

So, there you have it. My observations from my side of the conveyor belt!

Can I have a WOO HOO!!!

2008-03-20T11:26:00.001-04:00

Yep, my pre-baby jeans fit!

'nuf said!

12 Weeks vs. 12 Weeks

2008-03-15T22:25:00.008-04:00

12 weeks

84 days

2,016 hours

120,960 minutes

12 weeks is 12 weeks right? Wrong. I have learned that the speed in which 12 weeks move depends on what you are counting during the 12 weeks. When I am pregnant, 12 weeks is like an eternity. 12 weeks is where we took little bit of a deep breath, where I could stop the hormones and where we entered the second tri-mester. With both of our succesful pregnancies, those 12 weeks moved so very slow. Every day I would go to bed thankful that I hadn't had any spotting, that my appointments were going well. Every morning, I woke up wondering if this would be the day. Would this be the day that my baby stopped growing, the day the dream would end.

Now that J is here, 12 weeks has just flown by. 12 weeks is where she is smiling, cooing, showing her great little personality. Every day I go to bed happily exhausted thankful for my 2 beautiful girls, thankful that I can now be home with them during the day and watch them grow instead of someone else getting to spend most of their waking hours with them. Each morning I wake up wondering if this will be the day. The day that C says J's name clear as can be, the day that J will belly laugh for the first time.

12 weeks... an eternity that can pass by you are the speed of light.

My new secret identity

2008-03-14T14:06:00.005-04:00

As of Tuesday, I have a New Identity. I am SUPER MOM!!!

Ok, no, I am not bragging about my abilities. When people found out I was leaving my job of 10 1/2 years, they would always ask if I was leaving for another job or to stay home. I would tell them I am going to be a stay at home mom by day, grocery cashier by night. I felt like a Super Hero with 2 identities when I would say it.

I have worked full time at a job away from home for the last 24 years. As of Tuesday, I am paid for a part time job. It is so strange to me.

I am Super in another way though, I am Super happy and blessed to be able to be home during the day so I can watch my girls grow, go to pancake breakfasts and eat flour lump filled pancakes made with joy by a group of 3 year olds, go to book week parades and all the joys that come with being at home.

So to Super Mom's everywhere... I am so happy to join your Super Hero ranks!

btw... if you don't know me and haven't seen pictures of me, YES, I look exactally like the picture. My boobs are that perfect and my waist is that tiny!

I've been tagged!

2008-03-07T20:17:00.008-05:00

5 Most Frequented Websites:
BabyCenter
Flickr
Cool Mom Picks
True Mom Confessions
Ashlyns Care Page

5 Favorite Foods:
Beef filet
Garlic mashed potatoes
Tomatoes right off the vine in the summer
Peas
Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream

5 Places I want to visit (never been before):
Australia
Seattle to Victoria
Figi
Chichen Itza and Coba
Ireland

5 Favorite Stress Relievers:
Pedicure
Nap
Holding J while she is sleeping
Hot shower
Massage

5 Favorite Movies:
City of Angels
Oceans 11
Oceans 13
Princess Bride
Steel Magnolias

5 Things you can do to make my day:
Comment on my blog
Tell me I look 30
Tell me how beautiful my girls are
Give me the winning Mega Million lottery numbers
Tell me Congratulations because I am leaving my job that I have hated in only 2 short days to become a stay at home mom by day and a grocery cashier part time evenings and weekends.

5 People I tag:
Rebecca
Jennifer
Lane
Dawn
?

Tag! It's your turn!

Performance-Enhancing Hugs

2008-03-02T13:44:00.007-05:00

This was posted in The Onion and I just loved it!

C with one of her medals. (of course, hers was from the NYC Buddy Walk)

June 8, 2005

WASHINGTON, DC—Three months after the Special Olympics World Winter Games in Nagano, Japan, the International Special Olympics Committee has begun to investigate charges that athletes used performance-enhancing hugs in their training and directly before competing in key events.

"These people have no shame," ISOC chairman Bill Evans said Monday. "Right before a big game or race, many of them will take a dose of affection, sometimes from a coach, other times from a family member. Competing players have even been known to exchange hugs during the competition itself."

Although insiders have long attested to widespread hug use among special athletes, the full scope of the problem was not understood until November 2004, when Carnegie Mellon's medical school published a study on hug use in the Clinical Journal Of Sport Medicine. According to the study, researchers found double-digit spikes in self-valuation, warm fuzziness, and smiles following even a single hug.

Evans said he "took one look at the numbers" and agreed to an internal investigation and an across-the-board review of hug-use policies.

"Hug users have an unfair advantage over the hug-free, as they are pumped up with confidence," Evans said. "In competitions relying on endurance, hugs serve to artificially heighten an athlete's stamina. For example, hug users may be as much as 65 percent more likely to excel at no-contact floor hockey than those who say no to hugs. Put simply, it's unethical."
Alpine skiing bronze medalist Lee Young-Suk, who has Down syndrome, appeared on a special edition of ABC's Primetime Live Tuesday and admitted to frequent use of performance-enhancing hugs.

"When my mommy [Jun Young-Suk] hugs me, it makes me feel like I'm the best and she loves me and I can win," Suk told Diane Sawyer. "I'm a winner!"

The emotions Suk described—euphoria, omnipotence, overall well-being—have been found to last for as little as five minutes or as long as several hours, depending upon the number and type of embraces administered.

Due to the short-burst effect of performance-enhancing hugs, testing for their presence is difficult.

"Currently, eyewitness sightings are the only reliable indicators of hug use," said ISOC regulator Peter Warner. "Unfortunately, hug use can occur anywhere—from the group home to the bleachers. We can't be in every team's van at all times."

In the search for hug abusers, regulators have screened hundreds of hours of Special Olympics videotape, hoping to catch huggers in the act. They are also relying on testimony from hug users such as Suk.

"Lee Young-Suk really stood his ground at first, saying he did not want to tattle on his friends," Warner said of the hug user. "We couldn't get him to give us any names until we promised him a trip to Dairy Queen."

Still, as Evans pointed out, hug use does not necessarily translate into better athletic performance. Over time, it may even serve as a hindrance.

"Once they get hooked, even if it isn't helping their game, these Olympians continue to crave the affection, accepting it as almost a consolation prize for their effort. Sometimes you see special athletes seeking hugs outside the realm of competition, just for the sake of hugging. This is where we get into really dangerous territory."

Families start in many ways

2008-03-01T09:32:00.005-05:00

I have a good friend from work and I have seen her suffer through the pain of wanting to start a family and finding it such a long journey. They tried to have a baby for 3 years. While their family journey was different from ours, I could really understand their pain of so wanting to have a family. You live and breathe it everyday and you are surrounded by other families, pregnant women, diaper commercials... reminders of what you can't seem to have.

They decided almost 1 year ago to persue adoption. They really embraced their new journey with such hope but also with the knowlege that it would take a while. They would probably have to wait about 2 years before their family started, not the typical 9 months it takes to have a baby... boy, were the wrong.

September 11th of 2007, they got the call. A birthmother had chosen them to meet with. It had only been 6 months since they started the process. They met with the birthmom and they all made an immediate connection and she told them then and there that she wanted them to be her son's parents. She said when she became pregnant she was so scared and had thought about terminating the pregnancy. She said she just couldn't. She knew there was a reason for this baby and she told them right then that they were the reason. She knew they were chosen by him to be his parents.

Early December the call came that he was on his way. They got in the car and were off and made it in time to see their son born. It was 9 months since they started their journey and now they had their family.

We love to get together with the babies (who are only 12 days apart) and hope to continue to have J & their son C be able to grow up together as friends and I hope to be able to keep in touch with S so I can also see her grow into the amazing mom I always knew she would be.

Today I am happy to go to her baby shower... something I know she has wanted for so long and fact is, lots of us have wanted that for them for so very long.

It doesn't make a difference what kind of family you have or how your family was made... family is still the greatest blessing there is.

Note to self...

2008-02-25T14:35:00.002-05:00

Don't give a porcelain doll to a 3 1/2 year old.

Silent Night, Peaceful Night

2008-02-25T13:25:00.006-05:00

Christmas Eve was 9 weeks ago today. Time has flown huh?

Back when I was expecting J and it appeared she would be born early, I just kept saying that I hoped the baby would be born by December 21 or after Christmas so that I could be home for Christmas morning with C. Well, since my girls are very strong willed and have minds of their own, I should have known. Sure enough J was born on December 22nd.

I was very sad about not being able to be home. I had planned ahead just in case and I had C's Christmas Eve and Christmas outfits all set out and coordinated so that daddy could dress her nice and cute without having Geranimal tags to lead him along. Little did I know...

Christmas Eve came. My dr. came in and asked me if I wanted to go home. I told him I wanted to do what was best. My dr. said he really would rather I stayed in the hospital one more day and left on Christmas. By then I had come to the conclusion that Christmas morning for C was like every other morning and we could just as easily celebrate our family Christmas morning on the 26th or any other day for that matter.

Everyone was busy planning their day. My parents picked up C and my mom got her dressed guaranteeing that her hair was combed and she wasn't wearing her striped tights with her plaid dress. They took her to church and dropped her off at home so that she and her dad could go and celebrate with his family. (They always celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve) My parents did decide to make a quick stop by the hospital because they felt bad that we had no visitors that day. Honestly, it was such a nice day for us. (not that I didn't appreciate the visit)

Christmas Eve Night of 2007 will always be my favorite. I don't think I can ever top it. I didn't have to unwrap gifts, I didn't have to stay up late for church and to play Santa... Instead I just laid in my hospital bed enjoying holding my little Christmas miracle. The drs. had discharged as many patients as the could so the hospital was very quiet and the nurses were all so relaxed and didn't even come in the room all that often. I ordered from the special Christmas Eve menu and had chicken, mashed potatoes and chocolate cake. It was not the gourmet meal that my husband and C were eating (in laws are wonderful cooks) but the peacefulness and joy of that night are something I will never get to experience again and one that none of my family were lucky enough to enjoy. Every Christmas Eve, I know I will remember back to that night and how perfect it was.

Just after midnight I kissed my new little being, and wished her a Merry First Christmas.

Here she is 9 weeks later.

Suffering?

2008-02-20T19:21:00.004-05:00

This is the link to what was a terrible story. The bombing in and of itself is terrible. The thought that they used unsuspecting women with Down syndrome makes it worse. Now they are saying the women didn't have Down syndrome and yes, it's no less tragic still.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080220/ap_on_re_mi_ea/iraq_bombers

My reason for linking to this story is because is because of a comment made that just makes me crazy. Here is the statement...

A U.S. military spokesman for the Baghdad area, Lt. Col. Steve Stover, also said at the time that medical experts with his division had examined the photos and agreed the women probably suffered from the genetic disorder.

What's wrong with that you might say. Whats wrong is the word SUFFERED. I get so tired of hearing that so and so suffers from Down syndrome. My daughter does not suffer. She is far from it.

Today she played happily with her cousins for hours. They pulled out every possible toy they could. She woke from her nap with a huge smile and gave me a big hug when I picked her up. Tonight she was going to Trader Joes with her daddy. She walked excitedly out the door in the purple socks, red glitter Dorothy shoes and pink and tan leopard fur coat... a get up, I mean outfit, that she picked out herself. (yes, she did have on other clothes)

She does have moments of suffering. When she wants one more Swedish fish and she can't have it. When she has to go to bed. When she has to give up a little bit of my attention to the baby... to a 3 year old, those are all things that are suffering. Trust me, that is the extent of her "suffering".

People with Down syndrome do not suffer from Down syndrome, they just happen to have it.

Does she look like she is suffering?

How can I ever say Thank You enough?

2008-02-07T22:55:00.002-05:00

Today was a teary day. They were mostly good tears in a round about way.

I'll start off saying that my husband and I have not decided yet if we are going to have a third baby. I am all for it but he is waffling because of money. Don't get me wrong, we are far from poor but he likes to invest towards retirement. Our retirement is very secure and I say pass on investing for a few years, I make a career change to stay home during the day (work some nights and weekend) and we have a third like we want to. Of course, even if we decide to have a 3rd, we have our miscarriage history and who know if we will even get pg and then if we will stay pg. That said...

I did a lot of laundry today including lots of maternity clothes to pack away. I loved being pregnant and I love my maternity clothes. I hate to pack them away thinking I may not use them again. It made me happy to be blessed enough to have been pregnant twice. To get to see and feel a baby growing in me. To have that baby all to myself for 9 months. It's an amazing blessing.

Today was my 6 week postpartum check. I go to a phenomenal perinatologists office. This was, potentially my last time being there. The appointment went well, but I found myself crying in the elevator afterward. I sent so much time there. I went once a week for a long time, then every other week for a couple of months and then 2 and then 3 times a week. I feel like I know them all so well. I will really miss seeing all of them if we don't have a third. They have always been so great. They have shared the joy of our pregnancies with C and J and they have shared our sorrow when we had more miscarriages. They were there when I called in a panic thinking something was wrong and their calm voices helped keep me sane through the most stressful yet, great parts of my life. They really are like my family and if we are done, I will miss them dearly.

They took such great care of me and if not for their close monitoring, who knows if the complications we had at the end of both pregnancies would have been found and what the other outcome could have been.

How do you part with and thank people who helped you to reach your dream of having a baby? Thank you Dr. M, Dr. G, Dr. R, J, P, R and the entire office staff, ultrasound staff and maternity staff!

Guess, I just need to keep having babies until they retire... I just can't leave them.

It's a GIRL!!!

2008-02-03T22:45:00.000-05:00

Yes, she is over 1 month old, but I am finally updating. Baby J was born a few weeks early but she was healthy and came home with us on Christmas day! She is just a blessing and we were so happy to have the "normal" birth experience we did not get to have with C. She was wisked away to the NICU and well, it all went nuts from there. This time was so relaxed and with the exception of the first night, and when I would take a shower, J was in with me the whole time. It was so great to have her there to bond and just stare at and enjoy with nobody else in the room. I love the NICU staff when C was there, but I just never got to be 100% alone with her!

Well, enough talking from me... here is our birth story and some pics.

Yes, Miss J is here and by far, the best Christmas gift ever!! She was 6lbs 6ozs 20 3/4 inches long.

We had been watching my fluid levels and bp. My fluid levels had dropped and bp had gone up. Well, we were 98% sure we would just schedule the c-section . (edd was January 16th with the latest c-scction date to be January 11th) Well, when I went in for a check and my fluid levels had doubled and my bp had gone down. We decided to wait and continue to watch. I was a little disappointed but happy to let the baby bake a bit longer. I went about everything, making a dessert for a party that weekend and planning on being at work on Monday, etc. Friday night I was having some stop me in my tracks shooting pains. Not contractions, just like the baby was in there poking at my cervix. I joked that s/he was poking a hole in the amniotic sac.

6am I woke to something that just didn't feel right. I was thinking my water broke but it wasn't much. I was already going to have to go to the hospital for bloodwork so I told dh what had happened and that I would go to triage. I wanted him to stay home with C and told him I would let him know if ti was my water and if not, I'd just to the lab work.

Drove to the hospital and decided that instead of hiking through the parking structure, etc. I would go right to ER. Asked where I could park closer if I thought my water had broken and he said right there. Parked the car and they had a wheelchair waiting. They took me right to triage and by then I was really thinking false alarm because nothing else had happened. Did the regular stuff, got hooked up to the monitors and the dr. came in to check me out. She took a swab to look for fluid and came back that it was negative. She did an ultrasound and again, fluid was low. Based on the u/s and her exam, she was sure my water had broken so went back and did something else with the slide. Yep... that was it! They called my dr. and told me to call dh to get him down there. The dr. was already at the hospital so he came in and wanted to get going right away. Ummm... dh still wasn't there! He left and the nurses said not to worry, they would stall him... we were not starting without dh. The baby was in no distress... I just have a great, but very impatient dr. The anestesiologist (sp?) came in and we discussed the whole process. He learned I was on heparin and ordered a blood test to check my clotting. Well, my peri didn't want to wait and based on all of my previous tests said it would be fine. The anest insisted and refused to start without it. The nurses were so excited cause it helped with the stalling. I was just sitting waiting for dh so I decided I was going to do my make up. What the heck, I had it and I had time to use it! The nurses were cracking up... hey, it was a picture taking moment and figured I'd make the most of it. Who knows when I would ever be able to lay back and put on my make up again. DH arrived and they went ahead and got us all prepped. We signed all of the paper work and were getting so excited and nervous about the time finally coming! Well, guess what, the levels were off. At 10:00ish, the decided we would have to wait until 3:00 or 4:00. We called everyone who was already told it was the day and let them know not to expect any news until at least 3:45. They moved us to a more comfortable labor and delivery room and there we waited. I was so amazed... I was not the least bit nervous the whole time. Just watched TV and read a couple of magazines. Dh went for some walks, got some lunch and read. I tried to get some sleep but just couldn't. About 12:00 I started having contractions I could actually feel. They got painful pretty fast because of the way the baby was positioned. She had been off center and in a twisted position for weeks. Well, every contraction pushed her further to the side and it was so sore. It became a challenge for me to push her back during a contraction so it wasn't so bad.
I heard my drs voice saying we were all set. They came in and started getting everything set to move. We asked about the camera in the OR and they said it was fine just not to take any pictures while the NICU team was working on the baby. That was when I got t little worried. I really loved those people with C but didn't want to have to go that route again. I just calmed myself secure in the feeling that this baby was MORE then ready to come meet us and all would be fine.

We were off to the OR. It was much more relaxed then last time. At a slightly quiet moment, I said, "I need everyone's attention". They all kind of stopped like, yes? I explained that we did not know if the baby was a boy or a girl. That with C, nobody told us for a little while and this time, I wanted the movie moment. I wanted lots of hoopala when they said "It's A ___". They asked if there was anything else and I said nope, that's it. The rest will be just fine. I got my spinal and dh came back in. One of the nurses kept laughing because the baby was way off to the side again and kicking and elbowing like crazy. She said she had never seen one so eager to get out!

We got started. Since it was not an emergency this time it did take a lot longer. Everyone was joking and having a good time which was great for us. All the sudden a hand pressed down REALLY hard under my ribcage and the anest popped over and said there's the head. She asked if I wanted to see it. I was leery because it was coming out of a big incision but she said I should look, it was amazing. I said yes and GOD... IT WAS SO COOL!!! She held up a hand mirror and there she was! I didn't even notice that it was a surgical procedure. I just saw an AMAZING face. When they took the rest of her out they yelled "It's a girl!" They great thing was, as they said it, I could SEE she was a girl! She let out a rip roaring scream like she was telling everyone to SHUT UP... we were too loud! It was 3:49pm.

The NICU team took her and started working on her. Dh could see them and said she was fighting them like crazy. She was kicking and pushing at them and screaming away. She was just perfect! They told dh he could come over and to my surprise, he did. (He was so afraid of seeing ANYTHING from the surgery) I could hear him taking pictures, telling this person and that to hold her up. I was so happy he was so excited. They brought her over and she was adorable!!! He sat down and the nurse handed her right to him. He was in love already. (Keep in mind he did not hold C for about a week because he was so afraid, etc.) He rolled closer and I could see her, kiss her, smell her.

Since we had not been through a plain old birth before, we were asking what was next. Did they take the baby, etc. She said nope, we will put her on moms chest and wheel you over to recovery. We got to take her with us!!! We headed over to recovery and got to look over every part of her. She was just amazing and so calm by then. No screaming anymore. They did come about 25 minutes later to get her and take her to really clean her up and we were taken over to our home away from home for a few days.

It was so great to have her in my room, to take care of her, feed her, change her, cuddle her whenever I wanted. If I was awake, she was in my arms or in the bed next to me.
DH brought C the next morning. She was so excited when she came in the room and she looked SOOOOO BIG!!! Dh put her up on the bed and she was great. She loved saying Hi Baby! She was playing with my phone and decided baby had to try it, they she was sharing her favorite Bed Bug doll... she was so sweet.

We were told that Tuesday looked like the day to go home. The family scrambled to decide what to do for Christmas and J and I spent a fantastic Christmas Eve alone in our room. It was so peaceful and will probably be my favorite Christmas Eve ever! (my parents did stop by for 1 hour) At midnight, with her in the bed next to me, I wished her a Merry Christmas!
When we got up that morning, I started to get really emotional. Since Christmas 1998, Christmas had always had a cloud over it. It was that day, 9 years ago to the day, that we were in the Emergency Room on Christmas only to be told that our first baby was miscarried. I am kind of weird about dates and the way things circle. This circle had closed 9 years to the date when our whole up and down journey began. We had gone full circle and we now were a complete family on Christmas Day.

It was the best Christmas EVER!

UPDATE ONE
Well, J is doing great. C is loving her and dh has really stepped up this time. I on the other hand had a bit of a setback.

We went in to have the staples removed. I had been having some bleeding from the incision for a few days but was told that was ok. Well, in my case it wasn't. The skin layer had joined together but the fatty layer under hadn't. Since there was a gap, blood had pooled underneath and it had to be cleaned out before it became infected. YIKES!!! That hurt. Well, in the end, the incision opened back up about 3 inches. We had 2 choices... to either leave it and pack it 3-4 times a day for weeks or to go back into surgery and have it cleaned and stitched back up again. Well, I don't want to be dealing with an open wound for weeks so we opted for the OR. Went back at 2:00 for a 4:00 procedure. My dad took me so that dh could stay home with the kids since it seems like everyone else is sick or getting over being sick. The anestesiologist asked if I wanted a general or a spinal and I told him I wanted which ever would get me out sooner. He said the general would so I chose that. Well, I awoke to the dr. telling me that he had to reopen the whole incision (just the top skin and fatty tissue layer) and clean out a lot of old blood and he did an antibiotic rinse even though there was no sign of infection. He stitched it all back up using sutures instead of the staples (which I HATED!) I was still really groggy but I heard him mention a drain and me having to stay overnight. WHAT??? I was supposed to go home that night. Fact is I was too groggy to care/fight/question. They checked me into a room and I had to call dh and tell him he would be on his own with a 3 year old and a 5 day old. He was fine with it and so was I on the phone. Of course, when I hung up, started bawling. I was hormonal, my milk had just come in but luckily I had brought the pump, and I was going to have to spend another night away from C who I already felt I was neglecting because I couldn't pick her up, and even when she was sitting next to me, I was so cautious because of my insicion. Anyway, spent the night which was a nightmare. I was on a surgical floor, not the maternity floor. What a difference. Patients yelling all night, a lot of noise, etc. It was NUTS!!! I think dh got more sleep at home then I did there. So the next morning the resident came in and checked me out. He said all looked great and I should be good to leave the next day!!! WTF??? The hormones couldn't take that one and I just started bawling! He asked if I had expected to go home that day and I said I had expected to be home last night! He said to just ignore what he said and he would be back with the dr. from my practice. 3 hours later I called my favorite nurse at their office. She asked if everything was ok and I said that I was still here and she said where? I said I was in the hospital and she was shocked. They had assumed we went home last night as planned. She said she would track the dr. down and get her right over. She did and they agreed to let me go after the nurse educated me on the drain. I had a lot to watch for but I got to go home!!! Dh did GREAT with the 2 girls and seemed to have it all under control so I was very proud of him! It's killing me that my milk had just came in and because of the anestesia, I had to dump the 24+hours of milk. ARGHH!!! I was just glad that our only hiccup this time was with me. J's visit to the pedi went great. Bili was great and she had gained 1 ounce. No matter what, looking at her I can say she is worth ALL OF IT!!!

Well, here she is...

Blogging? When?

2008-01-12T22:10:00.001-05:00

Yes, I don't know when I will be finding time to blog. (not that I have been that great at it anyway) I am pleased to announce that our second child was born right before Christmas. C has a baby sister that she loves dearly! (for now)

I know lots of other moms with more kids then me who still manage to blog but I am hopefully changing jobs and will be a stay at home mom during the day. I know this will leave me MUCH busier then I was when I went to an outside job. Because of that, not sure when I will blog. I will need to learn how to get into a new routine of getting C off to school and then give both C and J (baby sister) the time and attention they need in addition to trying to keep the house clean and make a meal every now and then.

I am sure I'll be back occasionally, but I am so blessed so the trade off is FAR worth it!

I'm here... I'm here...

2007-12-08T22:53:00.000-05:00

Laura is always good at reminding me that I need to post. Seems like lately with working, all my drs. appointments, having a rambunctious 3 year old, a house to try and keep clean, well, the blog is low man on the totem pole. My brain and fingers are usually just too tired!

Updates...

C- She is doing FANTASTIC!!! She can count to 5 now (with a little prompting) and says short sentences. Of course tonight the sentence was "Go away Mom" with the hand wave to back off. She is big on "No, stop" with the hand in the air like Diana Ross singing "Stop in the Name of Love". I am mama when she is being all sweet, but more often I am MOM!!! She is a 38" tall 14 year old!!! She always wants to wear her black patent leather boots, likes to boss everyone around and has an overall attitude. Preschool is going great. She still loves the bus and I credit a lot of her speech to them doing such a great job working with her and telling us what to do at home as well. She is just growing up in leaps and bounds!

Pregnancy Update-
Due Date- January 16th

C-section Date- Most likely January 11 at the latest

Term- December 23

Mom's instinct is the baby will be here before Christmas

I am going x2 per week now. 2 non-stress tests a week, 1 fluid level check and 1 dr. visit crammed into those 2 days. I was found to again have low fluid. We aren't sure why but apparently my kids just like to wade in shallow water. I also pass my 3 hour glucose before Halloween. Well, at an ultrasound, the baby was found to be in the 97th percentile. That large size warranted a repeat of the 3 hour glucose and sure enough, didn't pass this time. We are just controlling it with diet changes and once a week blood testing. If all stays well there, we won't have to change that plan. Otherwise, feeling well (just tired) and loving the baby moving and bobbing around. We have decided on boy names but have not found anything we agree on for a girl name. Guess that means it will be a girl huh?

Well, I think that's all new here. Just getting ready for the holidays and for baby!

Here are a couple of pics of Miss C one brand 2 new belly shots. (it's a BIG belly!)

Have to add one more thing I LOVE!

2007-10-17T22:40:00.000-04:00

C has started to aim for puddles. Any puddle she can find. We have to go out of our way, she gets so excited saying "WATER" and then splash, splash stomping as hard as she can for the biggest splash. She then has to point to her shoes and way "wet".

Not sure which I love more, seeing her splashing in the puddle or hearing her talking and saying water AND wet!

Things I love!

2007-10-13T21:51:00.000-04:00

I was watching C the other day and thinking about the things I love. The things that to me are the simple joys in life.

1. I love seeing kids, especially mine, in footie fleece jammies.

2. I love watching my belly now popping and jumping all over the place. It just amazes me and makes me feel so blessed that I have been given this change to create another human being.

3. I love waking C in the morning. Stroking her cheeks with her hair over her eyes and that sleepy little smile and the morning whisper of "bus". (her favorite thing now is to ride the bus)

4. I love having C say nite daddy and hold my hand to walk in and brush her teeth before bed. Then her sitting on her bed with her hands together while we say prayers... it's just too sweet.

5. I love that we have lots of wonderful family and friends in addition to all of my online friends.

6. I love to come in from work and have C run up and hug my leg saying "Hi mama!"

7. I love watching C dance. The girl just lives for music!

8. I love having a little girl that likes to wear her dance skirt and black boots with her pajamas.

9. I love C's voice. (when it's not being used for a full blown tantrum)

10. I love that Ben and Jerry's now has a light version or Phish Food ice cream that tastes just like the original version. (see, they weren't all about C)

Simply said...

2007-09-29T01:37:00.000-04:00

I just love being pregnant!

The most unwanted "Club" there is...

2007-09-23T23:45:00.000-04:00

We have 2 friends kids and emotions swinging from one way to another in only a matter of a few days. These families are states away from each other and have never met, yet they are now in the same club that nobody ever wants to join. Then are both in the "I hate Cancer" club.

I have known Mike since the 10th grade. We dated on an off but always remained friends. He moved out of state and married. We still kept in touch some, but usually by e-mail. I was surprised to hear from him in July of 2004 by phone. We talked for a while and I told him all about our pregnancy with C and all we had gone through to get there. He then dropped a bomb on me, their youngest son P had been diagnosed with acute lymphocytic leukemia at the age of only 5!!! They sure have been through a lot but we got the EXCELLENT news on September 18th that he had finished his treatment. He will still be monitored closely but treatment is done!

Nichole is someone I met on line. Her daughter A and our C both have Down syndrome so that was our bond. That and our living in the same state and our kids being very close in age. C is 3 and A is 2 1/2. We vacation a few weekends a year near where they live and when we have gone, we have done our best to get the girls together. On September 17th, A's mom noticed a rash on her and took her to be checked out. As of 2:00 am on Septmeber 18th, (the same date that P had his last treatment) they were in a hospital 2 hours away waiting for what looked sure to be a diagnosis of Leukemia. They learned on September 21st that A does indeed have Acute Myelogenous Leukemia. She will have to be in a hospital 2 hours from home, her 3 brothers and her everyday life for 3-4 weeks at a time and 10 day visits home in between.

I can't in anyway relate to what either of these parents are going through. We are so happy to see one at an ending point but so very sad to see another at the beginning of what can be a long journey. I can only hope that A's journey goes as well as P's did.

Please give both families any prayers, positive thoughts you can and hug your little ones tight and be sure to appreciate every little thing about them. There is no greater blessing then a child.

The test results are in!

2007-08-31T22:55:00.000-04:00

We learned today that the results of the amnio show the baby has no genetic disorders. We are bery happy and relieved to go forward being able to relax and not worry about having that big surprise we had after Cs birth. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade C for anything in the world, but there is some comfort in knowing that we won't have to go through those early worries that we went through with C.

We will now have one girl with designer genes and one boy? / girl? with the regular style!

An update...

2007-08-26T22:48:00.000-04:00

Well, I did let it out here that C is going to be a big sister. I suppose I just can't leave people hanging so here is the latest.

Tuesday we went in for our big ultrasound and an amniocentesis. The decision to have the amnio was not an easy one and one I really didn't 100% decide on until the very moment. Unfortunately people assume you do an amnio to check for Down syndrome. Sadly, that is how the test is most often represented. That it is to test for chromosome/genetic disorders such as Down syndrome and Spina Bifida. Well, it test for over 400 different things. Because of our age risk and the surprise of C's Down syndrome, we decided to go ahead with the test. We want to know what we are dealing with and not have that huge shock that we had after C was born. So, that said...

The ultrasound went great. The baby was measuring right on target and all organs and features were easily seen, measured and checked out great. The baby was moving all over the place and of course, the announcement everyone wants most... It's a.................

BABY!!!

Sorry, you have to wait until the big day to find out just like we will.

Now, for the amnio, the wait was the worst part. I was literaly nauseous that morning and when it came down to it, the test took only 1 minute. I really didn't even feel the needle (of course, I do give myself 2 shots in the abdomen every day) and it was done in no time. Came home that day and literally laid on the couch all day with only a few well needed trips to the rest room. From the couch, went right to bed and that was it. I was careful the next couple of days as well, being careful not to lift anything and just kind of take it easy. Luckily, we have appeared to get by with no complications at all.

To those of you who have gone through the journey of trying to conceive, you know the term 2ww (2 week wait) all too well. We have been in the 2ww many, many times but I think this is going to be by far the longest 2ww I have ever had. We expect results on the 31st of August at the earliest. Please cross your fingers for us and I'll post back the results when we get them.

So that's the latest on the pregnancy. Now C and the pregnancy. I don't think she really gets it all. She is very sweet and if I ask her to kiss the baby, she will kiss my belly and lay her head on it but I don't think she really "gets it" yet. One example, dh and I were sitting on the couch with her. I said, "C, give the baby a kiss" and she leaned over and kissed dh's belly. Um..., no, he doesn't not have 6 pack abs and since he appears to be having a sympathy profile belly, it was a riot and we both had to laugh. So, she may not get it now, but she sure will soon enough. :o)

Since I don't believe in doing a posting without a pic (cause we all know people don't care about the stories, we just like the pictures) so here is one from our weekend.

Pet Peeve - A pet I do not like

2007-08-05T22:00:00.000-04:00

Someone in a place I post asked about pet peeves and it made me put one in writing. (I won't bore you with the others)

I hate and get so annoyed when people say "C is doing so great?"

To most parent this would be something they would be happy to hear. What do I want to hear?

"C is doing so great!"

not

"C is doing so great?"

What is the difference. It's that tone in the end. It's not a true question mark as much as a tone of suprise. It's not a tone of expectation.

It make me feel that people have very low expectations of C. That they have very low expectations of people with Down syndrome. From this also comes the response that I heard from so many people when C was born. About how people with Down syndrome could have jobs. That they know of people with ds who work at McDonalds. Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing wrong with someone working at McDonalds. Heck, if nobody works there, how would I quench my occasional pregnancy craving for an egg and cheese bagel. What I don't like it people assuming that that is the highest aspiration for her. Yes, if she wants to work there, she can. Of course, I also know of people with Down syndrome who work at University deparements, who are sign language interperters, at daycares... jobs I am guessing most people didn't see possible.

Yes, C is fantastic and she is doing great!!!!!! I say that with multiple exclimation points because I am happy that as my daughter, she is so smart, so sweet and so happy. I don't say it because I am surprised. She has been a big surprise since the moment she was conceived... her success is far from a surprise to me. I knew she had it in her all along.

Self Portrait...

2007-07-24T23:18:00.000-04:00

Don't mind the hand smudges. This was taken in Chicago at the big Cloud Gate sculpture.

Where is the pure joy?

2007-07-21T00:49:00.000-04:00

I was at a spa party last night. Word is spreading that we are pregnant so lots of congratulations. I feel so bad everytime because I just really have to paint on a smile and I know some people can see it's not genuine. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy and excited about being pregnant. It's just that with our miscarriages, I just can't relax and enjoy the moment. I always have to paint on the smile and say "thank you"... say that our fingers are crossed... say everything is going well for now. There is no future planning. No name books, no pregnancy books, heck, I only got out the maternity clothes because my pants were getting snug.

Call me selfish but I want the joy. I want to be one of those women who tells everyone they are pg before the pregnancy stick even dries. I want a husband so excited that he picks me up and spins me around in excitement. I want that joy but sadly, we have been robbed of that. The miscarriages robbed us an instead left behind scared, cautious and cynical people.

We just instead give our disclaimers, give the fake smile and show everyone the crossed fingers.

I love being a "family"

2007-07-13T00:27:00.000-04:00

For years I wanted to be a "family". We were a "couple" for so long and I envied people who could do all of those "family" things. Don't get me wrong, the freedom of "couple" was great but I wanted something more.

Tonight was one of those "family" times. We went to the local park for the weekly free concert. It was great! We met friends and had a picnic before the concert started. C had a blast and she made sure everyone around her did too. She was dancing away in the way that only my girl does and everyone was enjoying her Saturday Night Fever moves. We got ice cream, danced and just had a good time being a "family".

I know it's not what everyone wants, but for me, "family" is the greatest gift I have ever been given.

btw... our family is set to expand in about 27 weeks or so!

shhh... don't ever tell people you like to take pictures!

2007-07-04T23:13:00.000-04:00

Here is how it started...

Her: Wanna go walk around the store?

Me: Sure (with hesitation)

H: Hey, I hear you take pictures.

M: Well, I have a decent camera and take lots of pictures of C.

H: What are you doing Sunday? (this is on Tuesday)

M: Why, do you need pictures for the newspaper? (thinking engagement annoucement)

H: No, a wedding. (laughs)

M: Oh no, no, no... I don't do weddings. No, no weddings!

Well, to say the least she talked me into it. It was a very small family affair in someone's home. They were not looking for a 20x24 portrait, just a documentation of the day and pictures of her with her grandmother. They are going to have an official wedding next June (long story but I understand the reasoning) but her grandmother is elderly and she is afraid she may not be here by then. That's right... she guilted me with the elderly grandmother ploy!!! (she herself will make a wonderful mother one day with guilting abilities like that!)

So, Sunday came and I think I was as nervous as the bride. I had discussed the images she would like to capture. My battery was 100% and the memory card was empty and ready for lots and lots of pictures. The day was beautiful as was the bride and off it went.

I think it went pretty well. I had a good time and ended up spending a lot of time on editing to just clean up little things but I think they will be happy with the end result.

Note to self and others too... if you take photos... keep it to yourself! It was fun, worked out well but the thought of not doing a good job had me stressing myself out!

The little things that can make me a little sad...

2007-06-19T22:59:00.001-04:00

Through having C and knowing friends who have babies who have gone through intestinal surgery, open heart surgery, leukemia and having friends who have had late pregnancy losses... well, I feel silly over something so small.

We went to the eye dr. today. C's eyes have been crossing some. I guess I was just prepped that we were going to do surgery. I was ready for surgery, I was not ready for glasses.

She really does not need them for her actual vision. She is crossing one eye and not focusing as well as she used to. The dr. is hoping that by doing the glasses (bifocals at that!), she will strengthen by learning to focus better. That in turn will stop the crossing.

Maybe it's because I didn't get glasses until I was 39, and even then, I only wear them a couple times a month when my eyes are tired at work. Maybe it's because I was just noticing how amazing the colors of her eyes really are. I am afraid that the glasses will take away from that.

It doesn't matter what my problem is because yep, "Miss feisty, I WILL not even keep a barrett in my hair or a hat on my head", needs glasses. Realistically I have NO idea how we will ever keep glasses on her. I think soon enough the battle to keep glasses on a very strong willed 2 1/2 year old will make me forget all about what my problem was after all.

See... We're Not Always Happy!

2007-06-09T22:43:00.000-04:00

One of the things that annoys me more than any other steryotype about Down syndrome is the comment... "they're always happy." I don't know who came up with that idea, and I know any parent of a child with ds would agree, but they are far from happy all the time. C is such an expressive and dramatic girl. I love that about her. She is 2 1/2 and has full blown temper tantrums and believe me, she is NOT happy when it is happening. Wanna know what makes her even madder during a tantrum? When mean old mommy gets out her camera to have documented proof. PEOPLE WITH DOWN SYNDROME ARE NOT HAPPY ALL THE TIME!

Here is my proof. (don't mind the red tongue, she was eating strawberry fluff before the drama began)

Time marches, ok... full out runs, on

2007-06-04T21:46:00.000-04:00

Wednesday is a big day. Only 2 more days and C will move from the early intervention program that we have known for 2 1/2 years. She started when she was a mere 10 weeks old. I can't believe how much she has grown. On that first day she met her first "friend" A. He is only 6 days older then C and he also has Down syndrome. We were very lucky to have someone else so perfectly matched up to us. Someone who understood the emotions and that we could meet and play with in real life. C & A have grown and so have us moms and dads.

Wednesday C & A move on to the next phase and become preschoolers. How in the world did this happen. Time has flown by and created this amazing little person who is going to just take in every new adventure in pre-school and breathe it right in like she does with everything in her life.

I love my preschooler so much!

The first day of school.

Walking through the hall at school last week!

Of all the darn places to meet a friend...

2007-05-22T22:07:00.000-04:00

Miscarriage and pregnancy loss is a life changing event. We have had the "event" 8 times now and it is a terrible, heartbreaking thing to go through. In the beginning I often wondered why we were made to suffer so much. I had so many people during those times say that things happen for a reason. While it still sucks... I think I found the reason.

Through our miscarriages I made friends I never would have met. We found each other on the internet over 5 years ago. We had all had multiple pregnancy losses and all stuck together and got each other through additional losses. In addition to those losses I can also say that as a group, in just over 5 years, at last count, we have celebrated the births of well over 25 healthy babies!

C's birth lead me to more new places with new friends who I had something in common with... nothing better then someone going through what you are to be able to understand like nobody else ever can!

While I would never wish our sadness on anyone, imagine the joy of walking into a house and hearing "surprise" from your internet friends who came from all over the country to throw you a surprise baby shower! Yep, they flew in just to shower little C with love and gifts. (see some pics below)

Tonight I was lucky enough to meet one of my local mom friends for dinner. We are trying to meet every month but will have to take a month or so off because she is expecting her 2nd baby after 3 losses.

I have found some amazing people on the internet and while yes, we all know there are some creepy people out there, I have learned from all of my friends from many different areas that there are more amazing people out there then you can even imagine!

Thank you to all of my internet friends for being there!

You say that like it's a bad thing...

2007-05-21T18:50:00.001-04:00

I hear it all the time. C is stubborn just like me. The other word used is manipulative. Many people see those as bad words. For me, as the parent of a child with special needs, I consider those words to be good words! You say it like it's a bad thing.

Yes, C is stubborn. That stubborness has served her very well. It's what made her so mad and determined to sit up, pull to standing and walk. Stubborness makes her the determined little strong willed girl that she is and personally, I don't think it's a bad thing.

Yes, she is also very manipulative. I guess I was selling her short. I am still amazed at the way she manipulates people (myself included) and many others in her everyday life. She is cute, she knows it and she uses it. I have to say, when I figured out that she was really thinking to manipulate a situation to what she wanted... I was so happy. I didn't see it the way many parents do. I saw it as a real cognitive skill on her part to access the situation and then take advantage and spin it into what she wanted.

They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Yes, she is stubborn and manipulative but what can I say... that's my girl!

An Update on Gabe

2007-05-20T22:50:00.000-04:00

Gabe is home and doing amazingly!!! 4 days following open heart surgery and he is home and looks like his perfect, beautiful self!

http://gabrielsheart.blogspot.com/

Cheerios everywhere!

2007-05-16T22:19:00.000-04:00

What ever happened to my car. Yes, I was one of THOSE people. I had a nice neat car. Everything was in it's place. Compartments held what they were meant to hold. I had this cute little docorative $5 packet of keenex that where pink with high heeled shoes on them. There was room to fit 3-4 other people comfortably and neatly. (Well, maybe a dog hair here or there)

Now, there are Cherrios and Apple Jacks all over my car. The seats have water stains on them from those fabulous "no leak" straw cups that manage to leak out their entire contents between our house and the end of the driveway. My cute design kleenex have been replaced by a full size box of lotion kleenex and a plastic bag to try and keep all the used ones in one place. I now have 2 strollers in back, a basket full of toys seatbelted into the backseat and a bag of goldfish crackers are the snack du jour.

C has changed ever single part of my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world... and don't even get me started on the mess in the house!

Some Mothers Get Babies With Something More

2007-05-12T00:08:00.000-04:00

I have always loved this piece. With Mother's Day approaching, all I can say is I am so very lucky that I got the "Something More"!

Some Mothers Get Babies With Something More
Lori Borgman - Columnist and Speaker

My friend is expecting her first child. People keep asking what she wants. She smiles demurely, shakes her head and gives the answer mothers have given throughout the pages of time. She says it doesn't matter whether it's a boy or a girl. She just wants it to have ten fingers and ten toes.

Of course, that's what she says. That's what mothers have always said.

Mothers lie.

Truth be told, every mother wants a whole lot more. Every mother wants a perfectly healthy baby with a round head, rosebud lips, button nose, beautiful eyes and satin skin. Every mother wants a baby so gorgeous that people will pity the Gerber baby for being flat-out ugly.

Every mother wants a baby that will roll over, sit up and take those first steps right on schedule (according to the baby development chart on page 57, column two). Every mother wants a baby that can see, hear, run, jump and fire neurons by the billions. She wants a kid that can smack the ball out of the park and do toe points that are the envy of the entire ballet class. Call it greed if you want, but we mothers want what we want.

Some mothers get babies with something more.

Some mothers get babies with conditions they can't pronounce, a spine that didn't fuse, a missing chromosome or a palette that didn't close. Most of those mothers can remember the time, the place, the shoes they were wearing and the color of the walls in the small, suffocating room where the doctor uttered the words that took their breath away. It felt like recess in the fourth grade when you didn't see the kick ball coming and it knocked the wind clean out of you.

Some mothers leave the hospital with a healthy bundle, then, months, even years later, take him in for a routine visit, or schedule her for a well check, and crash head first into a brick wall as they bear the brunt of devastating news. It can't be possible! That doesn't run in our family. Can this really be happening in our lifetime?

I am a woman who watches the Olympics for the sheer thrill of seeing finely sculpted bodies. It's not a lust thing; it's a wondrous thing. The athletes appear as specimens without flaw - rippling muscles with nary an ounce of flab or fat, virtual powerhouses of strength with lungs and limbs working in perfect harmony. Then the athlete walks over to a tote bag, rustles through the contents and pulls out an inhaler.

As I've told my own kids, be it on the way to physical therapy after a third knee surgery, or on a trip home from an echocardiogram, there's no such thing as a perfect body. Every body will bear something at some time or another. Maybe the affliction will be apparent to curious eyes, or maybe it will be unseen, quietly treated with trips to the doctor, medication or surgery. The health problems our children have experienced have been minimal and manageable, so I watch with keen interest and great admiration the mothers of children with serious disabilities, and wonder how they do it.

Frankly, sometimes you mothers scare me. How you lift that child in and out of a wheelchair 20 times a day. How you monitor tests, track medications, regulate diet and serve as the gatekeeper to a hundred specialists yammering in your ear.

I wonder how you endure the clichés and the platitudes, well-intentioned souls explaining how God is at work when you've occasionally questioned if God is on strike. I even wonder how you endure schmaltzy pieces like this one -- saluting you, painting you as hero and saint, when you know you're ordinary. You snap, you bark, you bite. You didn't volunteer for this, you didn't jump up and down in the motherhood line yelling, "Choose me, God. Choose me! I've got what it takes."

You're a woman who doesn't have time to step back and put things in perspective, so, please, let me do it for you. From where I sit, you're way ahead of the pack. You've developed the strength of a draft horse while holding onto the delicacy of a daffodil. You have a heart that melts like chocolate in a glove box in July, carefully counter-balanced against the stubbornness of an Ozark mule. You can be warm and tender one minute, and when circumstances require, intense and aggressive the next.

You are the mother, advocate and protector of a child with a disability. You're a neighbor, a friend, a stranger I pass at the mall. You're the woman I sit next to at church, my cousin and my sister-in-law. You're a woman who wanted ten fingers and ten toes, and got something more. You're a wonder.

Happy Mother's Day.

A Moment for Gabe

2007-05-08T15:02:00.000-04:00

Please do whatever you do, prayer, sending strong healing vibes... whatever to help Gabe and his family be strong and make it though his next heart surgery. Feel free to follow the link, read his story, see what a beautiful boy he is, what a beautiful family he has (including Miss E.J. who is blessed like my Miss C) and add the link to your blog as well.

A monster has been created!

2007-05-06T23:24:00.000-04:00

Well, it's done. The camera is purchased (although I did go with the D40 instead of the D40x) and well, I need to walk away from the camera.

C and I headed to the mall at 9:30. Got there, walked into the store, asked about the D40 vs. D40x and opted for the D40. Said I needed the memory card, any additional hardware, camera bag, shoulder strap and of course the camera. The sales guy was looking at me like I was a crazed shopped. I assured I am not some irrational compulsive shopper who would be returning it soon. I had done my research and was on a mission. We left the mall by 10:30 and headed home. Home by about 11:30 and the frenzy began. From 11:30, minus C's nap, the cable guy being there and a trip to the market, I still managed to fire off 274, YES!!! that's 274 pictures!

Today was a better day as far as my new addiction, only 126 images today.

Here are a few of my favorites and you can check out the Flickr box to the right to see more. Don't worry, the entire 400 images are not all there!

Tomorrow is my new camera day...

2007-05-04T21:43:00.000-04:00

Yet another non exciting post. (well, to you maybe)

I am so spoiled. Tomorrow I get to go and get my new camera! My new DSLR!!! I am so excited. I got a lot of gifts to put towards it for my birthday and the rest is from my hubby.

Of course, I on the other hand am a spectacular wife... look what he gets to get!

Aw man!

2007-05-01T21:54:00.000-04:00

Tonight I joined a friend for dinner. In my 42 years (remember, I turned 42 yesterday), ok, only 26 of that with a drivers license, I have never had a parking ticket. Yes, I have had my share of speeding tickets, but never parking! Well, tonight my streak ended. I came out to find that little slip of paper on my 5 minute expired car.

Aw man!

Tic, tic, tic!

2007-05-01T21:51:00.000-04:00

Tried to post this last night but the computer was not cooperating...

Well, my 42nd birthday is almost over. It was a very normal day. Traffic and a typical work day. At home we just did carry out and played outside with Cfor a while. Then 3 loads of laundry. A shower and now I am online. Nothing glamorous. Not quite how I had envisioned my birthdays a while back.

This is not where I expected to be in my life at the age of 42. I thought I would be happily married, a happily working mom in a graphics job I loved. 2 or 3 kids who would all be about 7 to 10ish and enough money to be comfortable.

Well, we are fine on the money part but other parts, not so much. I have zits on my face like a 13 year old this week. I am pretty happily married but very unhappy at my job. I have one living child and 8 angels in heaven.

The big kicker is never in my image of the future did I see myself as a parent of a child with "special needs". Nope, that was NOT in the picture. Of course, I did indeed luck out. The picture is more perfect then I had imagined. I have many wonderful friends, I have wonderful family I have a pretty ok husband some days and I have a beautiful daughter that I could not imagine being any more perfect.

It may not be the future I was dreaming of but it is as it was meant to be and I am one lucky 42 year old.

She will not go unnoticed!

2007-04-27T23:34:00.000-04:00

I know my mother taught us not to stare. Personally I don't think it's as offensive as mom made it out to be but tonight was different.

I have had many occasion where I have caught people staring at C. Most of the time I can see it's a good stare. Sometimes I am not even sure they realize she has Down syndrome. Tonight the ones we were getting seemed different and it made me wonder.

We were at dinner. Everytime I looked up at a woman having dinner with her family I would fine her staring at Cbut never in the way I am used to. It was a stare of almost anger or the look of not accepting us being a regular family eating dinner in a regular restaurant with a regular 2 year old.

I often wonder, did this person terminate a pregnancy with a child with Down syndrome? I know women who have had that happen and the starer says how they look at their child with sadness. That the information they were given was of a life nothing like what they were viewing. They were sad because of what they had lost due to not knowing and bad information.

Did this person have a sibling that had Down syndrome 25 years ago when the life expectancy was a mere 25 years old? Did they have a brother or sister that died at a young age and they see C as the future of Down syndrome. The future their brother or sister helped pave the way towards.

Is it curiosity? Do they see her and think how wrong the image of Down syndrome is.

I don't know, but in this case, I am a bit puzzled by nothing more then the fact that I have yet to see a single staring person not have to smile when C waves bye bye. This woman did not and I felt so very sad for her. Whatever her reason for her anger and sadness, she missed out on Cblowing a kiss when she chose to not acknowledge her. My girl refused to go unnoticed!

The story of C...

2007-04-24T22:24:00.000-04:00

I wanted to share C's birth story out here in cyberspace. I found the stories that others share so helpful. Especially when they described the true emotions they felt. It let me know that my feelings were ok and that it would get better.

We were so happy to be expecting our baby. We had 6 pregnancy losses and finally we were down to the end of the pregnancy. A date to induce had been set and I was wrapping up everything at work to be ready to stay home on maternity leave with my healthy baby.

It was decided to induce early due to very low amniotic fluid. The induction dodn't go very long before the baby was in distress due to cord compression because of low fluid. The dr. recommended a C-section and I didn't care how the baby got here as long as he/she was fine.

At 12:19 am C was born. That cry was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. She was brought to me quickly and then wisked off to the NICU. She was 3 1/2 weeks early so we knew she may need a little oxygen.

45 minutes later our whole world came crashing in. The neonatologist came in and told us that C was breathing well. I was so glad... she was fine. He then went on to say the worlds I will never forget. He told us that our daughter, the one we had waited for for over 6 years had facial features consistent with Down syndrome. I remember shaking my head over and over and over. I just covered my eyes crying thinking could shake my self awake, shake the words out of my head. I looked at my husband and he had no color left in his face. I was telling him to sit down. I was so afraid he was going to faint. It was all so surreal. It was a true out of body experience. The drs left us alone and my husband asked the nurse if we could have the room to ourselves. She brought me a box of hospital kleenex and I remember thinking that the box was way too small. I needed a lot more kleenex. She left the room and waited in the hall. I cried harder and more than I ever have in my whole life. I had lost pregnancies but this loss was 1000 times worse.

The nurse came back and said our room was ready. They said they would take us to the nursery on the way up to the room so we can see her. In the moment I regret more then any other, I said no, I didn't want to see her. The baby I waited for so long, prayed for, the one whose heartbeat I listened to with a smile everyday for the last 5 months, I didn't want to see her. What kind of mother doesn't want to see her own child?

I remember the lights going up to the room. light, ceiling tile, light, ceiling tile... all the way up to the room. The nurse taking us to our room asked what we had. Obviously she didn't know about the ds right? If she did, why would she ask. We had the "Down syndrome baby", the imperfect baby. Through my sobs I told her we had a girl. I was now forever denied the joy that I had wanted. We did not find out if she was a boy or a girl so that we could have that joy of saying "it's a girl". There was no joy.

Up in the room it was all so surreal. The room seemed so small. My husband was laying in a chair. We were just in shock. He said "I though this was the one for us". He left the room to get some fresh air and I made the call to my parents. It was about 2:00 am. My mom answered so excited and I tried to sound happy and upbeat when I said it's a girl. Having mother's intuition she said what's wrong. I told her they think she has Down syndrome. In disbelief she said what, so I repeated it and just fell apart. That would be the first of many times I would have to say she has Down syndrome and I thought at the time that I would cry every time I said it for the rest of my life.

The nurse came in and told me to get some rest. It was such a stock line to use, like I was going to get some sleep. My head was spinning, my eyes were burning and my nose was raw from the cheap hospital kleenex. I laid there wondering what people would think if I put her up for adoption. What would happen if I just walked out of the hospital without her. I hate that I had those thoughts now but it was an irrational time. For me, those were not an option but I sure did think it. I was not thinking clearly. It was fear, sadness and confusion taking over my head.

At 11:00 am we went to the nursery. They were doing an echo on her so we had to wait. I kept watching the techs face looking for any sign of if her heart was ok. He gave me no expression. My brother in law came in then. He is a perfusionist at the hospital where C was born. He waited until the tech was done and went in to look at the echo with the neonatologist. They came out and the dr. said the heart was clear. I looked to my brother in law not believing the dr. but yes, her heart was fine. I was so relieved. I was then able to go in and hold her. I went in with a nurse but didn't want anyone else in with me. She carefully picked her up from all of the wires and put her in my arms. I was waiting for that moment in the movies where our eyes meet and I am forever in love. It didn't come... it was like I was holding just any baby, not my baby. C did so well in the NICU. She was able to come home with us on the fourth day.

At home there were visitors and many phone calls. I had a phone tree set up and we told our contacts to please tell everyone about the Down syndrome. We didn't have it in us to tell everyone. We settled in. C was feeding well, sleeping well and was a very good baby but I was still so sad. People would come over to visit and I would put on a strong face. When the would leave, I would just cry and cry. I would cry through my whole shower, I would jut go in the bathroom, close and lock the door and cry. I thought maybe I had depression but I knew I didn't. I just had to grieve.

Yes, I had a living and healthy baby but she was not the baby we were expecting. She was not perfect. I was grieving for that perfect baby. I was sad for her future, I was sad for my husband and I, I was sad that we were the ones that got the handicapped baby, I was sad that I didn't know if my marriage would make it over this latest hurdle. I found it easier to sleep on the cough because laying in bed was hard on my c-section incision. I would lay there with my hand touching my daughter and I would just cry. My husband and I never talked. He would just hold her and say "poor C". It became something that made me so mad. Everything made me mad. I was very angry and I can say that I hated God and blamed Him for giving us so much heartache. I compared it to a tennis game. That God was serving up the ball and we were hitting it back each time. We'd hit it back and he would serve it harder and harder wanting us to fail. I was mad at the drs. for not finding out she had Down syndrome. I was mad at each person that told me "we" would get through this. I hated hearing how happy "Down syndrome children" are. I hated having people make it seem like such a small thing. I hated that people made me feel bad for feeling the way I was.

I would wake up every Friday at 12:00 am or so and think about how happy and excited I was only 3 weeks ago, 4 weeks ago... then I would watch the clock tick by and around 1:00am I would think about how my life had change so much in that 10 second moment. Time went on and finally the day came, after about 2 months, where I didn't cry. I remember even thinking, I didn't cry that today. I was getting through grieving. Like any grieving process, there are stages. I went through denial and slowly came acceptance. I was going to request a re-test. I was sure they were wrong. The reality hit me that they weren't wrong, she did indeed have Down syndrome. Each day was better than the last. I would cry a little less and be a bit happier to have my daughter.

I will say that I still have sad times. They are when I try and look too far into the future. I have come very far in learning to take each day one at a time. It's easy to say but very hard to do. I am learning and she is teaching me.

Today, almost one year after C's birth, I am in a much better place. C is doing so well and progressing well. Now I can say she has Down syndrome and be proud that I consider her an ambasador. A little perfect being to show how wonderful people with Down syndrome are.

I have learned to embrace her accomplishments and not let anyone tell me what age level she is compared to. I know we can't compare C to a child without Down syndrome. She will always appear to be failing on that scale. I just help her to do as much as she can and compare her to nobody. She is my daughter and she is perfect. There is no comparison.

Edited after the second year
C is such a fireball and has such an great personality. The sad times are VERY few and far between. Maybe once every few months if even that. She has very clear likes and dislikes, she is happy then having a full blown tantrum cause she didn't get her way, she is very much the 2 year old. She started walking right before her 2nd birthday and now she doesn't even want you to hold her hand. Her attitude is that she can do it all by herself and you know what, usually she can! Life is AMAZING!

So... how weird are you?

2007-04-21T22:55:00.000-04:00

Stole this from one of the blogs I like to check out... careful, you take the quiz and you will get hooked on the many, many quizes they have. Of course, that could be me because, apparently I am pretty darn weird. How weird are you?

You Are 60% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right?
But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

How Weird Are You?

Whistle While you Work

2007-04-17T23:03:00.000-04:00

We have been working on teaching C to use a whistle. It's a great step for speech and muscle tone in her mouth. Check out her hard work!

(btw... Grandma and Grandpa were over to see her show off her new skill)

Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos

Just some new pictures...

2007-04-17T00:00:00.000-04:00

My Rock Star

2007-04-16T23:46:00.000-04:00

Lately I have just had so much fun watching C change. Last year, she was not walking until the end of the summer. It is so fun now. She hears the back door open and off she goes. She always wants to go and play outside. Today after we got home it was nice and sunny and warm enough to head outside. Well, her new playhouse house is a hit. Just when I think she is all girl, she shows otherwise. Rocks in the driveway are just fascinating. She picks them up and looks at them like they are little gems. Just seeing her little hands working to pick them up and carefully place them in just the right spot is amazing to me. I just am always in awe of my little girl, even with something as simple as a pile of rocks.

One rock at a time... she has her work cut out for her in our driveway. 800+ feet of rocks to play with but she has plenty of fun time to play in the rocks as often as she would like with mom looking on so happy to watch her little rock star.

I have been sucked into the black hole!

2007-04-15T23:55:00.000-04:00

I refuse to get into scrapbooking. No slam against anyone, I am just the simple album type. Well, my moms club hosts a scrapbooking night once a month. They don't have a lot of events I can attend because of work, but this one I can. A friend has been trying to get me to go. I decided to go with the compromise that I would make some greeting cards? Well, 5 hours and $80 later, I have some cards and the bug to make more. I have already been on e-bay looking for Perfect Pearls, I bought markers, stamps, Zots, ribbon!!! OMG!!! I am addicted. I have always been a fanatic about paper and stationary so I knew this was really asking for trouble and asking for my credit card!

With you as my witness, I vow this here and now.

I, Peggy, vow that I will not, ever, never in my life, no matter what bribe is offered, no matter where it is offered (even free in Hawaii), I will NOT ever go to a scrapbooking weekend.

Please, as my friends/supporters, help me on this one!

Not a great picture, but above are my first attempts in card making! Of course, I also have to share one of C since we had a fun photo day today.

The things we do for beauty!

2007-04-14T23:09:00.000-04:00

Well, here they are. My newly threaded eyebrows!

If anyone ever tells you that threading doesn't hurt. Well, trust me, they lie! I am very happy with the results but it's really plucking on crack! They pluck out a bunch of hairs all at one time. It looks nice and clean now that the redness is all gone but man, it HURT!! I will go back but not until I have had a few shots!

ok... here is the hairdo. I still have to grow quite a bit out on the sides but it's getting there. I am also going back to my natural dark hair but I am going to get some darker highlights to add some depth.

Excuse the lack of pretty much all make up. It was after my evening shower! Very scary looking when you take your own picture! ACK!!!

Mid Life Crisis!

2007-04-12T23:31:00.000-04:00

Well, Saturday is the day I re-invent myself. I have been wearing the same hair style for a good 5-6 years. That is a long time for me. I am bored. I have been growing it to get it cut into a new style. Well, Saturday is the day. I will become the almost 42 year old goddess I am on the inside on the outside. Then I head off to another salon to have my eyebrows threaded. I have been growing those out too and can't wait for my new perfect eyebrows.

To say the least, between the grown out hair and the bushy eyebrows, I am sure fire going to run into my biggest jr. high crush named David (no, not the one I married) in all of my full blown, Sasquatch glory!

You Can Have it All... No you can't!

2007-04-12T23:17:00.000-04:00

Well, I have come to realize you can't have it all. Go ahead and slam me if you want. It's my blog and I can just delete your comments if you don't agree!

I always said that even when I had kids, I wanted to work outside the home. I thought it was amazing those women who could do it all. Have kids and a life! Well, I have it alright and I hate it!

I say, yes, you can work full time outside the home. You can be a parent. You can do it all. Can you do it all well? I don't think so.

I hate being a working mom. I find nothing glamorous about it. I find it draining physically and even more emotionally. I hate waking C up from a cozy sleep to take her to daycare. I love her daycare, but I hate when they call me to pick her up sick and I actually have to worry about how to get her, who to get her, how will I get my work done, I am out of sick days and it's only April. I hate it. I feel like I am not a great graphic designer and I am not a great mom. I want to be a great mom and I could care less about being a graphic designer. I wish I could be in the time when I was a child. Every mom was a stay at home mom. I want to be that mom and I would be great at it!

C is the reason I was born, ads in a newspaper are not!

Oh please... let my lottery numbers come up on Friday!

A little Easter P & P

2007-04-09T23:07:00.000-04:00

Happy Easter!

2007-04-08T01:25:00.000-04:00

Well, we are all ready for Easter. C has an adorable, sweet little cotton sleeveless dress. Some real Italian leather shoes and little ankle socks. (no, mommy does NOT have Italian leather shoes but C does!) Of course, the temperature when we go to church is supposed to be a balmy 24 degrees! What the heck. Now the adorable dress will be covered up by a very sweet sweater and the ankle socks replaced by tights that will cause baggy saggy elephant ankles that will NOT highlight the Italian leather shoes.

I do believe in Global Warming but apparently, it does not apply on Easter. It would be nice if in one year we could wear the Easter dress without the wool Christmas coat AND wear the Halloween costumes without a snow suit to ruin the whole look.

Well, that's just how it is. I just wish there were somebunny to complain to...

Bad Mommy?

2007-03-30T11:38:00.000-04:00

Well, it's official. The flu has hit our house. I don't mean the gastro thing that people call the flu. I mean the full blown Influenza A flu. As the dr. described it, it's like your worst cold ever multiplied by 10! That plus a fever up to 105! And of all people to get it, C. The poor little think is miserable. We are treating her with Motrin and Tamaflu and just have to wait it out for the 5 or so days.

Of course, the dr. came in with the results and first question... did you get the flu shot for her. No, I said. Doogie Howser just gave me the look like, see! (I love this guy but he is crazy young) I explained that if they would get the mercury free version I'd pay for it out of pocket but I will not inject mercury into her. He explained that it's a very small amount. Yes, I do know that. I then explained that we KNOW C will have cognitive delays. I have no intention of putting something into her that may (I will say may until I know 100%) cause further problems. If I had it to do all over, I would do it the same all over again. I am willing to go through 5 days of miserable (I have already been thrown up on 3 times) for a lifetime of not wondering if I should have given the vaccine. Luckily Doogie did say that next year they will be getting some mercury free so I will be the first in line with my checkbook if needed. I stick by my decision but to then go to the check out desk, have the same conversation with the receptionist, then the pharmacy tech... listen people! When it's your child with the delays, it's your choice to make. I made mine and I'd do it again!

I am a good mommy who only wants what is best for my girl. I have a medical background and go into these things with lots of thought. Quit asking me ok?

Well off to get some Motrin into her and clean up the messiest (yet still cute) nose I have ever seen!

Preschool? She's too little for preschool!

2007-03-28T23:08:00.000-04:00

Well, I have to say, 4 years ago, I didn't think I would ever be sending a little one off to preschool. Well, the time is coming. C is finishing up this school year in the Early Intervention program and in the fall she will graduate to the PAL (play and learning) program! Yep, my little peanut is going to preschool.

We had a transition meeting tonight. That means a meeting to set minds at ease, to help with transition, to make the change less traumatic... for the PARENTS!!!

C will be riding the bus come fall! She is barely 25 pounds and she'll be riding the bus. I will probably be following the bus in a little convoy of other parents.

She will LOVE preschool and even more, I know she will LOVE the bus ride.

My little one is growing up and I don't know if I am ready yet.

Kiss

2007-03-27T22:16:00.000-04:00

ok... I admit it. (blushing out of shame) I have a new show that I really enjoy watching.

Gene Simmons Family Jewels
http://www.aetv.com/genesimmonsfamilyjewels/

I was never a fan of Kiss but I love this show. It's fun and actually not at all what I would have ever expected. Check it out sometime. Nothing like seeing an old man, trying to squeeze and old man body into an outfit with fanny cut outs. YIKES!!! Ok, so that part is scary (actually it's funny) but he, ok, his kids and wife, are the first to make fun of him and he takes it all in stride. Not at all the demom he always made himself out to be.

Health

2007-03-24T23:15:00.000-04:00

ok... so ignore my post about illness. We are very lucky. One of C's friends, a little girl who also is blessed with an extra chromosome, is in the hospital. L has pneumonia. I went to visit her and her mom today. They will be in the hospital a few more days. L's mom is very familiar with the hospital since L was one of the children with ds who was born with a heart defect. To see her in a hospital room was so sad. I feel so bad for her mom. It's hard when you know they are sick but you are tired of people poking your baby and making them so sad... you just want to grab them and go home and crawl in bed together and hide. Here is hoping that L is home with mom very soon.

C's song

2007-03-23T22:07:00.001-04:00

This has always been a song that I loved. When C was born, it took on a whole new meaning. Someone posted the video link today and it made me love it even more. To see such a diversity of women and girls (including of course one with Down syndrome) is so powerful. My favorite line (if I can really choose one) would have to be "With love, with patience and with faith, She'll make her way" I will give her that love, patience and faith and I have no doubt that C will make her way and she will leave quite an amazing wake in her path.

Enjoy...

Doctors have come from distant cities
Just to see me
Stand over my bed
Disbelieving what they're seeing

They say I must be one of the wonders
Of god's own creation
And as far as they can see they can offer
No explanation

Newspapers ask intimate questions
Want confessions
They reach into my head
To steal the glory of my story

They say I must be one of the wonders
Of god's own creation
And as far as they can see they can offer
No explanation

O, I believe
Fate smiled and destiny
Laughed as she came to my cradle
Know this child will be able
Laughed as my body she lifted
Know this child will be gifted
With love, with patience and with faith
She'll make her way

People see me
I'm a challenge to your balance
I'm over your heads
How I confound you and astound you
To know I must be one of the wonders
Of god's own creation
And as far as you can see you can offer me
No explanation

O, I believe
Fate smiled and destiny
Laughed as she came to my cradle
Know this child will be able
Laughed as she came to my mother
Know this child will not suffer
Laughed as my body she lifted
Know this child will be gifted
With love, with patience and with faith
She'll make her way

Ahhhhhh... gotta love school pictures

2007-03-22T23:23:00.000-04:00

I admit it... I am a photography snob! I went into the "school" pictures with low expectations and seriously expecting to get back a really funny picture. Well, I know she is mine, but I think 'lil bugs picture turned out so stinking cute. No, she would not smile, but at least she sat still which is no small task.

I have every one of my charming school pictures. The one with Cindy Brady's hair style. The one with my pin curls that I just HAD to have. The one (make that one's) where you would swear I was a girl if not for the dress with flowers that I was FORCED to wear. The one my mom had made! ARGHH!!! Every kids (yes, even a second graders) worst nightmare. I have them all and I will spend the money to be sure Claire has them all too. Why should she miss the fun I have looking back at the changes through the years.

Enjoy my girl and don't worry... the 3 year pictures at the professional photographer are scheduled to the good stuff will be here in August. In the meantime, check out how stinkin' cute she is.

Germs, germs and more germs!!!

2007-03-20T00:00:00.000-04:00

Go away please. I have had it with germs. C was a healthy little one until she turned 2. Did the terrible two's bring illness... no, it brought DAYCARE!!!

We love our daycare. C loves it and they love her. She gets so excited when I tell her that we are going to see her friends at school. Of course, some of these friends include rotovirus, croup, colds, etc. Those nasty little bugs that creep right in.

Since she was 2 we have seriously spent an amazing nomber of visits at the pediatrician. Of course, every trip to the pediatrician means another opportunity to meet more friends like strep, pink eye and croup. (that tramp hangs out everywhere)

Ahh... we are healthy. What? A birthday party? GREAT!!! We are healthy. We head off to Jungle Java (aka Germey Java) and have fun with all the kids and again... yep, that tramp croup!

They are unavoidable we have learned. We just give in, ask them to make their visit to our home a short one and to be gone and not return. It seems to be working but not before we have our own home version of a VERY well stocked pharmacy.

Please, please summer. Come soon. We are begging you!

The most hateful yet accepted word...

2007-03-18T13:31:00.000-04:00

This is a very powerful high school speech by an amazing young man named Soeren Palumbo

I want to tell you a quick story before I start. I was walking through hallways, not minding my own business, listening to the conversations around me. As I passed the front door on my way to my English classroom, I heard the dialogue between two friends nearby. For reasons of privacy, I would rather not give away their race or gender. So the one girl leans to the other, pointing to the back of a young man washing the glass panes of the front door, and says, "Oh my gawd! I think it is so cute that our school brings in the black kids from around the district to wash our windows!" The other girl looked up, widened her slanted Asian eyes and called to the window washer, easily loud enough for him to hear, "Hey, Negro! You missed a spot!" The young man did not turn around. The first girl smiled a bland smile that all white girls, hell, all white people - have and walked on. A group of Mexicans stood by and laughed that high pitch laugh that all of them have.

So now it's your turn. What do you think the black window washer did? What would you do in that situation? Do you think he turned and calmly explained the fallacies of racism and showed the girls the error of their way? That's the one thing that makes racism, or any discrimination, less powerful in my mind. No matter how biased or bigoted a comment or action may be, the guy can turn around and explain why racism is wrong and, if worst comes to worst, punch em in the face. Discrimination against those who can defend themselves, obviously, cannot survive. What would be far worse is if we discriminated against those who cannot defend themselves. What then, could be worse than racism? Look around you and thank God that we don't live in a world that discriminates and despises those who cannot defend themselves. Thank God that every one of us in this room, in this school hates racism and sexism and by that logic discrimination in general. Thank God that every one in this institution is dedicated to the ideal of mutual respect and love for our fellow human beings. Then pinch yourself for living in a dream. Then pinch the hypocrites sitting next to you. Then pinch the hypocrite that is you. Pinch yourself once for each time you have looked at one of your fellow human beings with a mental handicap and laughed. Pinch yourself for each and every time you denounced discrimination only to turn and hate those around you without the ability to defend themselves Pinch yourself for each time you have called someone else a "retard".

If you have been wondering about my opening story, I'll tell you that it didn't happen, not as I described it. Can you guess what I changed? No, it wasn't the focused hate on one person, and no it wasn't the slanted Asian eyes or cookie cutter features white people have or that shrill Hispanic hyena laugh (yeah, it hurts when people make assumptions about your person and use them against you doesn't it?). The girl didn't say "hey Negro." There was no black person. It was a mentally handicapped boy washing the windows. It was "Hey retard." I removed the word retard. I removed the word that destroys the dignity of our most innocent. I removed the single most hateful word in the entire English language.

I don't understand why we use the word; I don't think I ever will. In such an era of political correctness, why is it that retard is still ok? Why do we allow it? Why don't we stop using the word? Maybe students can't handle stopping- I hope that offends you students, it was meant to - but I don't think the adults, here can either. Students, look at your teacher, look at every member of this faculty. I am willing to bet that every one of them would throw a fit if they heard the word faggot or nigger - hell the word Negro - used in their classroom. But how many of them would raise a finger against the word retard? How many of them have? Teachers, feel free to raise your hand or call attention to yourself through some other means if you have.

That's what I thought.

Clearly, this obviously isn't a problem contained within our age group. So why am I doing this? Why do I risk being misunderstood and resented by this school's student body and staff? Because I know how much you can learn from people, all people, even - no, not even, especially - the mentally handicapped.

I know this because every morning I wake up and I come downstairs and I sit across from my sister, quietly eating her cheerio's. And as I sit down she sets her spoon down on the table and she looks at me, her strawberry blonde hair hanging over her freckled face almost completely hides the question mark shaped scar above her ear from her brain surgery two Christmases ago. She looks at me and she smiles. She has a beautiful smile; it lights up her face. Her two front teeth are faintly stained from the years of intense epilepsy medication but I don't notice that anymore. I lean over to her and say, "Good morning, Olivia." She stares at me for a moment and says quickly, "Good morning, Soeren," and goes back to her cheerio's. I sit there for a minute, thinking about what to say. "What are you going to do at school today, Olivia?" She looks up again. "Gonna see Mista Bee!" she replies loudly, hugging herself slightly and looking up. Mr. B. is her gym teacher and perhaps her favorite man outside of our family on the entire planet and Olivia is thoroughly convinced that she will be having gym class every day of the week. I like to view it as wishful thinking. She finishes her cheerio's and grabs her favorite blue backpack and waits for her bus driver, Miss Debbie, who, like clockwork, arrives at our house at exactly 7'o'clock each morning. She gives me a quick hug goodbye and runs excitedly to the bus, ecstatic for another day of school. And I watch the bus disappear around the turn and I can't help but remember the jokes. The short bus. The retard rocket.

No matter what she does, no matter how much she loves those around her, she will always be the butt of some immature kid's joke. She will always be the butt of some mature kid's joke. She will always be the butt of some "adult"'s joke. By no fault of her own, she will spend her entire life being stared at and judged. Despite the fact that she will never hate, never judge, never make fun of, never hurt, she will never be accepted. That's why I'm doing this. I'm doing this because I don't think you understand how much you hurt others when you hate. And maybe you don't realize that you hate. But that's what is; your pre-emptive dismissal of them, your dehumanization of them, your mockery of them, it's nothing but another form of hate. It's more hateful than racism, more hateful than sexism, more hateful than anything. I'm doing this so that each and every one of you, student or teacher, thinks before the next time you use the word "retard", before the next time you shrug off someone else's use of the word "retard". Think of the people you hurt, both the mentally handicapped and those who love them. If you have to, think of my sister. Think about how she can find more happiness in the blowing of a bubble and watching it float away than most of will in our entire lives. Think about how she will always love everyone unconditionally. Think about how she will never hate. Then think about which one of you is "retarded".Maybe this has become more of an issue today because society is changing, slowly, to be sure, but changing nonetheless. The mentally handicapped aren't being locked in their family's basement anymore. The mentally handicapped aren't rotting like criminals in institutions. Our fellow human beings are walking among us, attending school with us, entering the work force with us, asking for nothing but acceptance, giving nothing but love. As we become more accepting and less hateful, more and more handicapped individuals will finally be able to participate in the society that has shunned them for so long. You will see more of them working in places you go, at Dominicks, at Jewel, at Wal-Mart. Someday, I hope more than anything, one of these people that you see will be my sister.

I want to leave you with one last thought. I didn't ask to have a mentally handicapped sister. She didn't choose to be mentally handicapped. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. I have learned infinitely more from her simple words and love than I have from any classroom of "higher education". I only hope that, one-day, each of you will open your hearts enough to experience true unconditional love, because that is all any of them want to give. I hope that, someday, someone will love you as much as Olivia loves me. I hope that, someday, you will love somebody as much as I love her. I love you, Olivia.

Soeren Palumbo

I have always been sensitive to this word. Yes it is a word and it does have a meaning. That meaning is slowed or delayed. The word Retarded is rarely every used that way. Instead it is used as a replacement for stupid. My daughter is medically considered Retarded. You have not met her but trust me, she is far from stupid.

I have friends who still use this word. I have explained how this hurts me and yet, it still happens. It happens when we are out to dinner, at work... it happens when it never should. It happens and the person who used the word may as well stop talking. I don't hear a word you say after that, I focus on the word and on you for using it. I wonder why you are not phased when you know we have discussed it. I wonder what about you makes me want to stay a friend when, to me, you are calling my child stupid.

TV uses it all the time. Now there are even frequent references to people being stupid because they have an extra chromosome (as does C) or even going as far to say it's because they have Down syndrome. The audience laughs and I want to scream.

I know it's personal to me but it should be personal to all of us. In a split second, something could happen and God forbid it could be your husband, your wife, your parent or your child who is now medically considered "retarded". It could be your loved one who is being called stupid when someone uses the word in a now accepted manner... just because they don't meet the standard of what is considered normal and are a bit delayed. How would you feel then?

And so it begins...

2007-03-18T01:14:00.000-04:00

So, since I had plenty of spare time, since I do have a habit of staying up on the computer until insane hours, I figured I would enter the world of blogging.

I am new at this one so give me time.

I hope to use this as a place to educate, vent and just share.