Christmas Eve one year later

Here is my post about last Christmas Eve...

Back when I was expecting J and it appeared she would be born early, I just kept saying that I hoped the baby would be born by December 21 or after Christmas so that I could be home for Christmas morning with C. Well, since my girls are very strong willed and have minds of their own, I should have known. Sure enough J was born on December 22nd.

I was very sad about not being able to be home. I had planned ahead just in case and I had C's Christmas Eve and Christmas outfits all set out and coordinated so that daddy could dress her nice and cute without having Geranimal tags to lead him along. Little did I know...

Christmas Eve came. My dr. came in and asked me if I wanted to go home. I told him I wanted to do what was best. My dr. said he really would rather I stayed in the hospital one more day and left on Christmas. By then I had come to the conclusion that Christmas morning for C was like every other morning and we could just as easily celebrate our family Christmas morning on the 26th or any other day for that matter.

Everyone was busy planning their day. My parents picked up C and my mom got her dressed guaranteeing that her hair was combed and she wasn't wearing her striped tights with her plaid dress. They took her to church and dropped her off at home so that she and her dad could go and celebrate with his family. (They always celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve) My parents did decide to make a quick stop by the hospital because they felt bad that we had no visitors that day. Honestly, it was such a nice day for us. (not that I didn't appreciate the visit)

Christmas Eve Night of 2007 will always be my favorite. I don't think I can ever top it. I didn't have to unwrap gifts, I didn't have to stay up late for church and to play Santa... Instead I just laid in my hospital bed enjoying holding my little Christmas miracle. The drs. had discharged as many patients as the could so the hospital was very quiet and the nurses were all so relaxed and didn't even come in the room all that often. I ordered from the special Christmas Eve menu and had chicken, mashed potatoes and chocolate cake. It was not the gourmet meal that my husband and C were eating (in laws are wonderful cooks) but the peacefulness and joy of that night are something I will never get to experience again and one that none of my family were lucky enough to enjoy. Every Christmas Eve, I know I will remember back to that night and how perfect it was.

Just after midnight I kissed my new little being, and wished her a Merry First Christmas.



This year it was so great to remember back to that Christmas Eve. Once again, J was very cuddly so I was snuggling her in bed and she again asleep in my arms. Just like last year, I kissed her good night right after midnight and wished her a Merry Christmas.

The Holy Family... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA WAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

So, I received an e-mail asking if we would be willing to be the holy family for our church at the 4:30 Christmas Eve service. The woman explained that they really were in a pinch and needing someone. She pointed out that C would be up in choir loft so she would be a cute little addition to our holy display.

My first thought was lauging and thinking, HELL NO!!! (not a good response due to the nature of the question but I was laughing as I was thinking of it) After thought, my response back was...

I am flattered that you considered us for the holy family. Here is the scenario that I see playing out...

The husband would NEVER go for that so we would need a substitute. My 43 year old self and my brother just seem like a "wrong" choice on so many counts. Age, the brother/sister thing, etc. Next, J is walking now and let me tell you, that girl ONLY wants to walk and she wants to do it all the time. She is and always has been a total party girl. All those people staring, well, she would want to put on a show, walk all over the place. Everything an hour old holy child would NOT be doing. C being up front, well, that would only result in C yelling at J, "no baby, no", "no, no, no!". The peaceful vision of the holy family, well, that is FAR, FAR from my family. As it turned out, J starting a high pitch wailing as soon as Silent Night started and she had to be taken out, C was crawling all over th choir loft and my husband looked like he wanted to just go home and watch Judge Judy.

Yes, I know my family well, and we are far from the Holy family!

'Tis the season (for too much stuff)

Toys, Toys, Toys!!! I am tired of toys. My kids do not have a crazy number of toys yet still, it seems like they are everywhere.

On one of my boards I posted on, someone had a great idea that we are going to adopt. 3 gifts per child. That's it. Those 3 gifts represent the 3 gifts the wisemen took to baby Jesus. I think that is a great idea. They don't get so much stuff and there is meaning to the amount of gifts they do get. Obviously, they will get stuff from Grandmas and Grandpas and aunts and uncles, but the gifts from Santa, mom and dad and sisters will be limited to 3.

If nothing else, I think the state of the economy is somewhat because of greed. People wanted so much stuff and they bought it with money they didn't have because they just wanted it and felt they always needed more.

I am also hoping to teach about giving starting this year. I asked dh what he wanted for Christmas and he said nothing. That he doesn't want to spend the money right now. I explained to him that C needs to start learning about giving. What would he need to buy himself over the next month or so. Underwear, socks, windshield fluid? Anything? It didn't matter what it was, I just want C to learn that we give gifts too. I just wanted her to have something to give to her daddy. He did finally give in and he will be getting a shirt which is way more exciting then windshield fluid.

Think it won't impact you?

So, yes, the auto industry has not been the greatest as far as business goes. They have been slow to change, pay and benefits have been crazy. I know, I have thought the same things but now we are in a crisis. I know a lot of people who feel this will not impact them. These are mostly people outside of Detroit and Michigan. Well... read this!



"Detroit's car makers employ nearly a quarter-million workers, and more than 730,000 other workers produce materials and parts that go into cars. If just one of the automakers declared bankruptcy, some estimates put U.S. job losses next year as high as 2.5 million."



That is if only ONE declares bankruptcy. Do the math. The potential for all 3 could be 7.5 million jobs!

It will impact you!

I just don't understand...

I know there was a historic election and I am personally very happy with the outcome. Today though can't erase the sadness from Monday.

I got information last week that the 17 year old son of my favorite buyer at my old job had died. It was not an illness and obviously a shock. The funeral was yesterday.

I have for a long time questioned my faith/religion and things like this make me question it that much more. Someone one pointed out something to me and I think I had a bit of a revelation. Faith and religion do not have to go hand in hand and are really not even the same. I do consider myself a person with a lot of faith. If I did not have faith, I would not have my beautiful girls. Even with miscarriage after miscarriage, I did have faith that we could finally have a child and then that we could have two.

I have tried hard to be "religious" but I guess I just don't believe in a true God. I do take my girls to church and C is in the church choir so we sing about God. Fact is, I don't want my lack of belief in a God to influence my girls thoughts one day. I want to expose them to church and then let them decide where to go with their faith/religion one day.

This funeral yesterday just seemed to really do it for me. I just think, if there is a God, how very cruel to take away a 17 year old son. Yes, the priest said that he is now with God, his father. Well, I want him with my friend, his father here on earth (along with his mother and 2 sisters) When I saw my friend and hugged him, I could just feel that heaving that your body does when you are trying to hold back the sobs that make you want to drop to your knees. It just killed me to know that someone was going through such pain. He just said "Dear God, let me just get through this." Maybe it's because I am a parent now, but I just can't imagine a loving God who would make someone go through that.

I know there is a lot of rambling here, I am just typing as thoughts come to my head.

I hear and see others who have such a strong belief in a God and I wish I could have that... for now, I will have to settle for having faith.

Pictures speak louder then words...

Could I be more proud?

Yep, that's my girls. No it is not photoshopped, it's a real picture of them up in Time Square.

The little mother

C is such a little mother. She of course picks on her real life sister, but her babies and dolls, she just loves them and takes such good care of them. (naked dolls all the time does not constitute bad care)

She will rock then, feed them and tuck them into bed. I went in her room the other day and found this. She had made a little hammock bed for her BedBud doll and covered her with a wipe I had given her to give her bedbug a bath.


While it is so sweet, it always makes me so sad when I see her just loving her dolls. She is doing so great in speech and physical development. I have accepted that she is delayed and that is ok. For the most part, I don't really even get all that sad about that part. What do I get sad about... that she will never have her own children to nurture like her dolls. It's very hard to be a mom and know from day one, that your little girl will never have her own little girl. I know how lucky I am to have C here living and breathing but it is still the one thing that can always bring me to tears.

Slow down the ride!!!

J is 9 months old today. I can't believe how fast the time has gone. It seems like not long ago I was so excited to be at a late point in her pregnancy and now she is growing up fast.

I always felt that C's Down syndrome made it possible for me to enjoy the "baby" time so much more. Well, now having J, I can see how right I was. I loved that extra time with Cand I am in awe of the speed of time with J.

9 short months ago, this little being came into the world. She was so peaceful and so helpless. Now she is crawling, pulling up, walking around furniture and standing alone for about 5 seconds. 9 short months ago, she was too tiny to easily even take a bottle. Now she tries to eat anything she can get her hands on including some gnawing on C'c pizza. (keep in mind she only has 2 teeth) 9 months ago, I would just hold her non-stop. Now I have to rock her to sleep if I want a chance to hold her. A few weeks ago, I just sat and held her sleeping for about 3 hours. It was so peaceful and so rare. I wasn't going to miss my chance.

So, while I know this is scattered, know that, while I wouldn't change anything about either of my girls, I would love to slow down the ride and enjoy the little ups and downs and turns that go along with being a mother.

You may not like this one

Well, we are on edge in our house. Why you ask? Well, dh's company is doing a 10% layoff. 10% of their employees are being laid off. He works for a company that supplies to the auto industry.

Think about it. What is your biggest investment? You house right? Well, what is your second biggest investment? Your car. Do you buy your house from overseas? Do you order it and have it shipped here? I don't think so.

Our economy, and not just the economy in Michigan, needs people to get back to the "Buy American" thinking of the 70's.

The most common response when I say to buy American, is to say that the American cars are all from parts made overseas. Yes, many of the parts are, but many of those companies (like my husbands) are also based here in the US and employee many, many Americans. In the end, you are supporting an American based company that pays Americans. That company also supports many smaller suppliers her in in the US who then pay other Americans. Those Americans then use the money they earn to buy computers, hire accountants, get medical care, grocery shop, pay for Cable TV and on and on. If those Americans are not being paid, you are not just hurting the auto industry, you are hurting everyone that depends on that and let me tell you, in the end, you are probably only a few steps away from being impacted buy the record job losses.

The next response is that foreign cars are higher quality. BS... My last 3 cars all lasted 5-7 years and all had well over 100,000 miles and they were HARD miles. On top of that, how long do you really keep your car? Do you need a car that lasts 15 years when you only intend to own it for 3 years? Yes, I did have issues with cars, things to happen, but you can't name me a single car where it never needs a single repair in over 100,000 miles. Domestic cars are high quality and very safe! (my new one has 5 star safety rating all around!)

Are you disgusted that everything in stores is made in China now? Do you peel that Made In China sticker off before you give someone a gift you bought? If so, then why is it so ok to pride yourself, even brag about buying a huge ticket item from Japan, Germany or Sweden?

I was born and raised to buy American cars. I will always and forever buy American because, fact is, my family, friends, state and in the end, a good part of the national economy need the return to Buy American!

Think next time you are car shopping. Are you supporting people you know, your fellow Americans or the people and economy of another country?

Happy Birthday C!!!

4 years ago, at 12:19 am, C took her first breath and she has taken mine away ever since. Happy birthday beautiful!

On a more positive note, some people/companies DO get it.

Check out the Coca Cola commercial for the Olympics...

http://www.specialolympics.org/Special+Olympics+Public+Website/English/Press_Room/Global_news/2008+Olympics/New+Olympics+Coke+Commercial.htm

Once again, the "R" word is thought to be acceptable...

and in this case, funny.

Here is the article from the New York Times.


Nationwide ‘Thunder’ Boycott in the Works

By MICHAEL CIEPLY
Published: August 10, 2008
LOS ANGELES — A coalition of disabilities groups is expected as early as Monday to call for a national boycott of the film “Tropic Thunder” because of what the groups consider the movie’s open ridicule of the intellectually disabled.

The film, a movie-industry spoof directed by Ben Stiller, is set for release on Wednesday by Paramount Pictures and its DreamWorks unit.

“Not only might it happen, it will happen,” Timothy P. Shriver, chairman of the Special Olympics, said of the expected push for a boycott. Speaking by phone, Mr. Shriver said he planned to be in Los Angeles with representatives of his group and others to picket the movie’s premiere on Monday evening in this city’s Westwood district.

A particular sore point has been the film’s repeated use of the term “retard” in referring to a character, Simple Jack, who is played by Mr. Stiller in a subplot about an actor who chases an Oscar by portraying a mindless dolt.

Mr. Shriver said that he had also begun to ask members of Congress for a resolution condemning what he called the movie’s “hate speech” and calling for stronger federal support of the intellectually disabled.

“The most disappointing thing, the most incredible thing, is that nobody caught it,” said Mr. Shriver, who, as a co-producer of the DreamWorks film “Amistad,” is no stranger to the studio. He spoke of what he described as the studio’s and the filmmakers’ blatant disregard for the disabled even as they stepped carefully around other potentially offensive references, notably in a story line that has Robert Downey Jr. playing a white actor who changes his skin color to play a black soldier.

In a statement on Sunday, Chip Sullivan, a DreamWorks spokesman, said the movie was “an R-rated comedy that satirizes Hollywood and its excesses and makes its point by featuring inappropriate and over-the-top characters in ridiculous situations.” Mr. Sullivan, in the statement, added that the film was not meant to disparage or harm people with disabilities and that DreamWorks expected to work closely with disability groups in the future. But, he said, “No changes or cuts to the film will be made.”

Formal complaints about the content of films are not uncommon, but well-coordinated boycotts are fairly rare. The groups involved said that they represented millions of members and associates. Perhaps the most striking use of the tactic involved “The Last Temptation of Christ,” released in 1988. Religious groups that considered that movie’s depiction of Jesus blasphemous called for a boycott of companies owned by MCA, whose Universal unit made the film.
DreamWorks and Paramount have shown “Tropic Thunder” in more than 250 promotional screenings around the country since April, but significant complaints came only recently, when marketing materials for the movie caught the attention of advocates for the disabled. The tag line on one mock promotional poster on a Web site, since removed, read, “Once upon a time there was a retard.”

Over the weekend an ad-hoc coalition of more than a dozen disabilities groups — including the Arc of the United States, the National Down Syndrome Congress, the American Association of People With Disabilities and others — laid the groundwork for public protests to begin Monday.
The groups refrained from formally asking that viewers boycott the movie, pending informational screenings that were scheduled for their members at eight locations around the country on Monday morning.

But representatives of the National Down Syndrome Congress saw the movie at one such screening on Friday and immediately advised fellow advocates to expect a film sufficiently offensive to justify mass action.

“I came out feeling like I had been assaulted,” said David C. Tolleson, executive director of the Down syndrome group who saw the movie.

Mr. Tolleson and Peter V. Berns, executive director of the Arc of the United States, said on Sunday that they could not recall a similar coalition of disabilities groups forming against a film. Mr. Berns noted that some people had objected to the use of the word “retarded” in “Napoleon Dynamite,” a comedy released by Fox Searchlight and Paramount’s MTV Films unit in 2004.
“But there’s really been nothing near this magnitude,” Mr. Berns said.

In earlier interviews with The New York Times, Mr. Stiller and Stacey Snider, chief executive of the DreamWorks unit, said the movie’s humor was aimed not at the disabled but at the foolishness of actors who will go to any length in advancing their careers.

After meetings and conference calls with Ms. Snider and others, the studio altered some television advertising, but declined to edit scenes from the movie.

“Tropic Thunder” is likely to be the last movie released by DreamWorks before its top executives — Steven Spielberg, David Geffen and Ms. Snider — formally announce their plans to become aligned with a new company to be financed by Reliance Big Entertainment of India. The three will continue to be involved with at least a dozen films at Paramount but are expected gradually to shift their energies to the new enterprise, which will probably distribute its movies through another studio.

Mr. Shriver said that he had spoken with Ms. Snider and others at DreamWorks about “Tropic Thunder” and came away convinced that they had no plans for mitigating measures.

Their response, he said, convinced him that the time had come for his group and others to strike a far more aggressive public posture on behalf of the disabled. “The movement needs to enter the public eye and not just be talking among ourselves,” he said.


To many, this may seem like acceptable humor. To all who know our family, and our daughter, C, this movie is mocking her and others with intellectual disabilities. Please support C by not supporting this movie or anything that has to do with it. If you want to go further you can sign this petition.
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/stopTropicThunder/?e

You can also call Ben Stiller and leave him a message at 323-602-5000 or send an e-mail to
contact@dreamworksfansite.com

If you want to see a little more on the movie, here is another article by Patricia E. Bauer who specilizes in writing on issues involving disability issues.
http://www.patriciaebauer.com/2008/08/08/just-the-facts-tropic-thunder/

45 Minutes!!!

Well, C got her glasses over a year ago. She needs them to try and correct some crossing issues. She is a very strong willed girl and she did NOT want to wear them. $300 down the drain.

I am not a huge fan of her watching TV but since J arrived, she has been watching more then I would like. So, one of her favorite shows is the "kids show". That would be John and Kate Plus Eight. She just loves it. We were watching it so snuck on her glasses and handed her a bag of animal crackers.

EUREKA!!! She kept her glasses on for 45 minutes! If we can do this more, maybe it will correct her crossing. She'll be a tv adicted animal cracker fiend, but hey, what ever works.

ARGHH!!!

I have no other title that I feel I can say.

Yesterday I was working. The girl at the register next to me was one of those people that just drives me nuts and rubs me the wrong way. Anyway...

I was on break. The store always has music playing and it's usually upbeat stuff that most everyone knows. I don't even remember the song but I walked back at the end of it. Stephanie says, "Peggy may know." I asked, know what. She said "what was that show in the 80's that had the MONGOLOID kid in it? What the HELL???!!!

Yes, that is a term that was used a long time ago. She is about 24 and I have no idea where she would get that name from. Anyway, while my mind was going WTF? My mouth said, the show with the boy with Down syndrome, was Life Goes On. I was not in a mood to educate right then (or for that matter in the place to educate). I did tell her we had seen Chris Burke and his band at a couple of Buddy Walks. She said, you met Corky? I said, no, not met him but yes, we had seen his band.

She said, maybe I am ignorant (HELLO... Ya think?) but how can he play in a band?

My response was "what?"

"How can he play in a band?"

I said why wouldn't he play in a band and before allowing her to say something else, I started my limited education lesson. I told her people with Down syndrome can do all sorts of things. They go to college, have jobs, get married, live independently, etc. I explained that I fully expect C to go to college and have a job one day. She then asked what causes it and I gave the chromosome education. She then asked (gotta smack the girl for continuing to ask questions), "then how come they all look alike?" Wanting to just cold cock her, I said, they don't and her response was, "the ones I have seen do." Of course, I could have focused on the "ones" part of that statement. Like, my daughter and others with Down syndrome are objects. Instead I just got an irritated tone (surprised it took me this long) and said "well, I think I have seen a lot more kids and people with Down syndrome. I asked if she thinks that the caucasian kids with Down syndrome look like the Asian kids, the African American kids, etc. I explained that C looks like her dads family and not like the other kids in her class with Down syndrome. I said that yes, they do have some features that the syndrome tends to make more prominent, but no, not all people with Down syndrome look alike. (I am half tempted to take her an album of all of the kids we have met and what they all look like!)

I am sure this conversation could have gone on until I just had no choice but to either poke out my ear drums with a hot poker or to beat the crap out of her until she was senseless but apparently, somebody already beat her senseless!!!

Anyway, that is my rant for the day. The whole thing didn't as much upset me as it made me wonder, who here has the challenges? My child or people like her who are perceived as "normal"?

Safety first

The next two posts are something that came to me from a post on one of my message boards. I don't think any words I could say would even close to what these two videos can.

I am not plugging one seat, there are others out there now that can hold larger kids. I am plugging that you should 5 point harness your kids as long as possible in whatever seat you can! The other is to keep your child rear facing as long as possible. Yes, you can turn them at 1 year and 20 pounds in Michigan, but child seats will allow rear facing longer then that. (your carseat manual will tell you the maximum for rear facing) The safest position is rear facing so get/leave those kiddies rear facing as long as you can! C was rear facing until she was just over 3. She never minded it but even if she had, it wasn't up for negotiation. Rear facing is safest. I can't protect my kids from everything, but every place I can assure their safety, you bet I will. I would rather have an unhappy child in the car then an empty carseat anyday.

Safety first. Use your seats and protect your children to the maximum!

Importance of a 5-Point Harness Carseat

The Importance of Rear-Facing

Happy Mother's Day!

Well, I have another reason to celebrate this Mother's Day. I was lucky enough to be blessed with another beautiful daughter.

Mother's Day is still always a bittersweet day for me. It is a day I remember the 6 Mother's Days that I was so sad, wanting to be a mother to a child here on earth. I had angel babies, but no living children. I did consider myself a mother, but to everyone else, I wasn't. I look into the eyes of my 2 girls, but also look into the sky and wonder about the 8 others who just didn't make it to us. Would they have been boys or girls, would they have my eyes, dh's chin, etc.

I view our lost babies as bodies that couldn't make it to earth. I always felt they were the same soul, but that soul just needed to find the right body. At the same time, I still see each as a little being and a little being to be mourned.

While I am so happy for myself, I am sad for all of the women out there who are longing for a child in their arms. The ones who haven't met that special person who they want to have a child with. The ones who have been trying and it just isn't happening. The ones who are on an adoption waiting list. The ones who had the joy of a positive pregnancy test only to find out the baby couldn't survive. To ones who lost a child after birth. For all of these mothers, I still shed tears on Mother's Day. I now know the joy and I wish every woman with the desire to have a child, could have it. I am so sad that they miss out on what I am so blessed to experience.

So, to all mothers, those with living children, those with angels and all of those with the dream of a child in their hearts, I wish you peace on this day and hope that you know, you are a mother.

Happy Birthday to me!

Well, in only 6 minutes, it will be my 43rd birthday. What a year it has been. This time last year I was pregnant but didn't even know it yet. I found out on May 4th! It was a roller coaster pregnancy with spotting, gestational diabetes, low amniotic fluid and another early arrival but it all worked out so great

What am I doing for my birthday you ask? Well, I am getting all of my carpet and my couch cleaned. Yep, that's my birthday present to me and I can't wait!!! Used to be I wanted a massage, a pedicure, etc. Now, I want my carpet cleaned. Of course, I will also be getting a new camera lens, a tag for my medical alert bracelet, etc.

So, Happy Birthday to me! Maybe by this time next year, there will be a third and final addition to the family. The idea has been brought up again by the husband so we'll see!!!

Here is a new pic of me and my favorite gifts of all!

"The Business of Being Born"

We rented this documentary tonight and I wanted to give my opinions and impressions. I will start by saying these are my views and they in no way are meant to insult the views of others. Like anything, your life plays a huge role on your impression of things.

C was an emergency c-section. She had low fluid the final 3 weeks of my pregnancy. She failed many non stress tests but would barely pass the bio-physical profiles. When the fluid finally went too low, we induced. She had a very consistent heart rate in the 160's through my pregnancy. They started the induction and at 2 cm, and only about 3 hours into it, her heart rate was dropping into the 90's. We, with the dr, chose to go the c-section route. With J, I chose to do a repeat c-section. As I always say, we are the "1 in" couple. Less the .5% of the population suffer through as many miscarriage as we did. (know anyone else who had 8?) Our odds of having a child with Down syndrome were 1 in 300 based on my bloodwork. Well, we were the 1. When you say there is a "1 in" chance of uterine rupture or for that matter, ANY other risk, I won't take it. I have excellent physicians (high risk) who I trust like no other. I wholly trusted them 100% with my most precious blessings.

It was over 11 hours before I was able to hold C but that was because she was in the NICU and after hearing about the Down syndrome diagnosis, we didn't want to go to the nursery right away. I had to have some time to wrap my brain around what we had been told. With J, dh held her after about 3 minutes and I was able to hold her as soon as I was stitched up. I held her into the recovery room, I looked over every part of her, told her I loved her, I did what a mother does.

All in all, I thought the documentary was well done, but one comment did make it hard for me to view any of it with 100% credibility. Towards the end, one dr. (I wish I made note of his name) explained that endorphins are released at birth. These endorphins are what make you love your child. He said that when women have a c-section, they don't have those endorphines and they can't care for their child as well. WHAT??? I am an excellent mother and I love my daughters to the end of the world. With that thinking, a woman who adopts would have NO instinct to love their child and seeing my friend who adopted, that is as far from the truth as possible. I really believe that a mother is not born, she is created and that creation comes in many forms.

I think it all boils down to the same problem that lies in many, many areas of medicine. People need to be educated and given their options. I learned this first with C Did you know that 90% of parents with a prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome terminate the pregnancy. I don't judge those people. Their life is not mine. I instead judge the drs. who give out dated information and in many, many cases, make a parent feel there is no choice. The ideal would be to educate the parents to be, give them the options and let them make an educated choice based on meeting with parents, getting updated information etc. I saw this movie the same way. No way of birth is right and perfect for every women but the choices need to be out there. They need to know what is available, meet with women who have been though the various forms, etc.

Most of all, I think women need to stop judging other women. I refuse to let anyone make me feel like my c-sections were the easy way out. That I missed the experience. I wanted to be pregnant, I wanted to have a healthy baby. I got both of those and the few hours in-between, for me, were just a small part of my dream and I am happy with the road I took and I would do it all over again.

Tradition

When C was born, as I have said before, her Down syndrome was a shock to say the least. When the time came for her baptism, fact is, I really didn't want to even do it. I was so angry at God if there even was a God. (still religiously challenged) We went through with it to keep the family peace.

When I worked for a photographer, a woman came in for portraits of her daughter in her christening dress. It was the most beautiful dress I had ever seen and I asked the mom about it. She said it had been made from her wedding dress. I just thought that was the greatest idea! I tucked it in the back of my mind.

When the time came for C's baptism, I wanted to do the same. My mother in law is a great seamstress. She asked me a good 10 times if I did indeed want her to hack up my wedding dress. There was never a hesitation. The one and only problem... my family.

We had a family dress that had been worn by all of the females for 3 generations. The gown was 100 years old that year. Well, to say the least, my mother was not overly pleased that I was bucking history. I tried to explain that I wanted this dress to have that special meaning to me... it was time for a new tradition.

I thought about doing pictures of C in the family dress just to have them to show my mom but fact is, and not sure exactally how to say this, I was just not into it. I felt like I was a hypocrite, I felt like C was not worth my extra effort. Yes, terrible, but fact is, that's how it was. I so wish I had done those pics now. Obviously, she was so worth dressing up and photographing in the dress. Of course, I can't go back in time but I did take some pics of J in the dress so I don't regret it twice.

Here are some pics that show the original wedding dress, C in the gown made from that and some of J in the family gown (and slip which I just LOVE more then the dress). Of course, you know I will be posting pics of J in her actual dress soon enough.

What I have learned!

Well, I have been a grocery store cashier for a whole month now. I have been a grocery shopper for many, many years and have learned more in 1 month then over all of those years as a shopper.

From the other side of the register, let me give you some tips...

1. DO NOT GROCERY SHOP AT THE REGISTER. What does that mean? It means, if you know you have $60 and only $60, take a calculator to the store. Don't go to the register with what anyone can tell is $200 in groceries. You are deciding one item at a time what you do and don't want to buy and want a running total. Yes, I will take that, no, take that off. How much was that one? No, forget it. Wait, leave that and put this one away. Oh, I don't want that loaf of bread. It's squished. Don't know how that happened with my 2 cantalopes on top of it. That wastes the cashiers time and do you think ALL of those groceries walk their way back to the shelf? No, someone has to take the time to return all of that stuff. The store has to pay that person and you in turn pay the store to pay that person.

2. DO NOT STOWE THE THINGS YOU DON'T WANT IN THE MAGAZINE RACK AT THE REGISTER. Yes, I did say to not shop in line but better to shop then to abandon that yogurt container that is found after who knows how long. Guess what, in the case of a perishable, we have to throw that out. That again means, food is wasted and guess who pays for that. Yep, you.

3. PAPER OR PLASTIC? Seriously, if you want to be green, there is only one way to do it. Invest in canvas bags that can be used over and over. Plastic bags last thousands of years. Paper bags use paper which comes from trees and the process of making the paper and then the bags, release by products into the environment which also lasts thousands of years. From the cashier stand point, plastic is WAY easier. Since the environment suffers either way, pick the plastic. Your cashier and bagger will secretly thank you. Then go out and buy those canvas bags. Yes, canvas is harder to bag like the paper, but at least when we are doing it, we know it really is for a good cause. Check around the house. Bet you can find at least 3 canvas bags counting those free ones that came with magazines, clubs you joined, even a beach bag not being used.

4. THE WORST OFFENSE? CAN YOU GUESS... I bet you can. HANG UP YOUR CELL PHONE! Seriously, is your conversation so important that you can't hang up and call back while you are checking out? Fine, talk as you walk through the store (although if you have on one of those ear things... you just look like a dork talking to yourself) but when you get to the register, when you are in a face to face with another person, HANG UP THE PHONE!!! In the month I have been there, and the couple hundred, and yes, I mean couple of hundred, people who have been on the phone while checking out, only 2 have apologized. One had just been robbed that day so she was talking to her insurance agent and the other had been trying to reach his elderly dad all day and was getting worried and he finally got through. Dad just wanted to chat so the man, red faced, apologized.

So, there you have it. My observations from my side of the conveyor belt!

Can I have a WOO HOO!!!

Yep, my pre-baby jeans fit!

'nuf said!

12 Weeks vs. 12 Weeks

12 weeks

84 days

2,016 hours

120,960 minutes

12 weeks is 12 weeks right? Wrong. I have learned that the speed in which 12 weeks move depends on what you are counting during the 12 weeks. When I am pregnant, 12 weeks is like an eternity. 12 weeks is where we took little bit of a deep breath, where I could stop the hormones and where we entered the second tri-mester. With both of our succesful pregnancies, those 12 weeks moved so very slow. Every day I would go to bed thankful that I hadn't had any spotting, that my appointments were going well. Every morning, I woke up wondering if this would be the day. Would this be the day that my baby stopped growing, the day the dream would end.

Now that J is here, 12 weeks has just flown by. 12 weeks is where she is smiling, cooing, showing her great little personality. Every day I go to bed happily exhausted thankful for my 2 beautiful girls, thankful that I can now be home with them during the day and watch them grow instead of someone else getting to spend most of their waking hours with them. Each morning I wake up wondering if this will be the day. The day that C says J's name clear as can be, the day that J will belly laugh for the first time.

12 weeks... an eternity that can pass by you are the speed of light.

My new secret identity

As of Tuesday, I have a New Identity. I am SUPER MOM!!!

Ok, no, I am not bragging about my abilities. When people found out I was leaving my job of 10 1/2 years, they would always ask if I was leaving for another job or to stay home. I would tell them I am going to be a stay at home mom by day, grocery cashier by night. I felt like a Super Hero with 2 identities when I would say it.

I have worked full time at a job away from home for the last 24 years. As of Tuesday, I am paid for a part time job. It is so strange to me.

I am Super in another way though, I am Super happy and blessed to be able to be home during the day so I can watch my girls grow, go to pancake breakfasts and eat flour lump filled pancakes made with joy by a group of 3 year olds, go to book week parades and all the joys that come with being at home.

So to Super Mom's everywhere... I am so happy to join your Super Hero ranks!

btw... if you don't know me and haven't seen pictures of me, YES, I look exactally like the picture. My boobs are that perfect and my waist is that tiny!

I've been tagged!

5 Most Frequented Websites:
BabyCenter
Flickr
Cool Mom Picks
True Mom Confessions
Ashlyns Care Page


5 Favorite Foods:
Beef filet
Garlic mashed potatoes
Tomatoes right off the vine in the summer
Peas
Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream


5 Places I want to visit (never been before):
Australia
Seattle to Victoria
Figi
Chichen Itza and Coba
Ireland


5 Favorite Stress Relievers:
Pedicure
Nap
Holding J while she is sleeping
Hot shower
Massage


5 Favorite Movies:
City of Angels
Oceans 11
Oceans 13
Princess Bride
Steel Magnolias


5 Things you can do to make my day:
Comment on my blog
Tell me I look 30
Tell me how beautiful my girls are
Give me the winning Mega Million lottery numbers
Tell me Congratulations because I am leaving my job that I have hated in only 2 short days to become a stay at home mom by day and a grocery cashier part time evenings and weekends.


5 People I tag:
Rebecca
Jennifer
Lane
Dawn
?


Tag! It's your turn!

Performance-Enhancing Hugs

This was posted in The Onion and I just loved it!

C with one of her medals. (of course, hers was from the NYC Buddy Walk)

June 8, 2005

WASHINGTON, DC—Three months after the Special Olympics World Winter Games in Nagano, Japan, the International Special Olympics Committee has begun to investigate charges that athletes used performance-enhancing hugs in their training and directly before competing in key events.

"These people have no shame," ISOC chairman Bill Evans said Monday. "Right before a big game or race, many of them will take a dose of affection, sometimes from a coach, other times from a family member. Competing players have even been known to exchange hugs during the competition itself."

Although insiders have long attested to widespread hug use among special athletes, the full scope of the problem was not understood until November 2004, when Carnegie Mellon's medical school published a study on hug use in the Clinical Journal Of Sport Medicine. According to the study, researchers found double-digit spikes in self-valuation, warm fuzziness, and smiles following even a single hug.

Evans said he "took one look at the numbers" and agreed to an internal investigation and an across-the-board review of hug-use policies.

"Hug users have an unfair advantage over the hug-free, as they are pumped up with confidence," Evans said. "In competitions relying on endurance, hugs serve to artificially heighten an athlete's stamina. For example, hug users may be as much as 65 percent more likely to excel at no-contact floor hockey than those who say no to hugs. Put simply, it's unethical."
Alpine skiing bronze medalist Lee Young-Suk, who has Down syndrome, appeared on a special edition of ABC's Primetime Live Tuesday and admitted to frequent use of performance-enhancing hugs.

"When my mommy [Jun Young-Suk] hugs me, it makes me feel like I'm the best and she loves me and I can win," Suk told Diane Sawyer. "I'm a winner!"

The emotions Suk described—euphoria, omnipotence, overall well-being—have been found to last for as little as five minutes or as long as several hours, depending upon the number and type of embraces administered.

Due to the short-burst effect of performance-enhancing hugs, testing for their presence is difficult.

"Currently, eyewitness sightings are the only reliable indicators of hug use," said ISOC regulator Peter Warner. "Unfortunately, hug use can occur anywhere—from the group home to the bleachers. We can't be in every team's van at all times."

In the search for hug abusers, regulators have screened hundreds of hours of Special Olympics videotape, hoping to catch huggers in the act. They are also relying on testimony from hug users such as Suk.

"Lee Young-Suk really stood his ground at first, saying he did not want to tattle on his friends," Warner said of the hug user. "We couldn't get him to give us any names until we promised him a trip to Dairy Queen."

Still, as Evans pointed out, hug use does not necessarily translate into better athletic performance. Over time, it may even serve as a hindrance.

"Once they get hooked, even if it isn't helping their game, these Olympians continue to crave the affection, accepting it as almost a consolation prize for their effort. Sometimes you see special athletes seeking hugs outside the realm of competition, just for the sake of hugging. This is where we get into really dangerous territory."

Families start in many ways

I have a good friend from work and I have seen her suffer through the pain of wanting to start a family and finding it such a long journey. They tried to have a baby for 3 years. While their family journey was different from ours, I could really understand their pain of so wanting to have a family. You live and breathe it everyday and you are surrounded by other families, pregnant women, diaper commercials... reminders of what you can't seem to have.

They decided almost 1 year ago to persue adoption. They really embraced their new journey with such hope but also with the knowlege that it would take a while. They would probably have to wait about 2 years before their family started, not the typical 9 months it takes to have a baby... boy, were the wrong.

September 11th of 2007, they got the call. A birthmother had chosen them to meet with. It had only been 6 months since they started the process. They met with the birthmom and they all made an immediate connection and she told them then and there that she wanted them to be her son's parents. She said when she became pregnant she was so scared and had thought about terminating the pregnancy. She said she just couldn't. She knew there was a reason for this baby and she told them right then that they were the reason. She knew they were chosen by him to be his parents.

Early December the call came that he was on his way. They got in the car and were off and made it in time to see their son born. It was 9 months since they started their journey and now they had their family.

We love to get together with the babies (who are only 12 days apart) and hope to continue to have J & their son C be able to grow up together as friends and I hope to be able to keep in touch with S so I can also see her grow into the amazing mom I always knew she would be.

Today I am happy to go to her baby shower... something I know she has wanted for so long and fact is, lots of us have wanted that for them for so very long.

It doesn't make a difference what kind of family you have or how your family was made... family is still the greatest blessing there is.

Note to self...

Don't give a porcelain doll to a 3 1/2 year old.

Silent Night, Peaceful Night

Christmas Eve was 9 weeks ago today. Time has flown huh?

Back when I was expecting J and it appeared she would be born early, I just kept saying that I hoped the baby would be born by December 21 or after Christmas so that I could be home for Christmas morning with C. Well, since my girls are very strong willed and have minds of their own, I should have known. Sure enough J was born on December 22nd.

I was very sad about not being able to be home. I had planned ahead just in case and I had C's Christmas Eve and Christmas outfits all set out and coordinated so that daddy could dress her nice and cute without having Geranimal tags to lead him along. Little did I know...

Christmas Eve came. My dr. came in and asked me if I wanted to go home. I told him I wanted to do what was best. My dr. said he really would rather I stayed in the hospital one more day and left on Christmas. By then I had come to the conclusion that Christmas morning for C was like every other morning and we could just as easily celebrate our family Christmas morning on the 26th or any other day for that matter.

Everyone was busy planning their day. My parents picked up C and my mom got her dressed guaranteeing that her hair was combed and she wasn't wearing her striped tights with her plaid dress. They took her to church and dropped her off at home so that she and her dad could go and celebrate with his family. (They always celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve) My parents did decide to make a quick stop by the hospital because they felt bad that we had no visitors that day. Honestly, it was such a nice day for us. (not that I didn't appreciate the visit)

Christmas Eve Night of 2007 will always be my favorite. I don't think I can ever top it. I didn't have to unwrap gifts, I didn't have to stay up late for church and to play Santa... Instead I just laid in my hospital bed enjoying holding my little Christmas miracle. The drs. had discharged as many patients as the could so the hospital was very quiet and the nurses were all so relaxed and didn't even come in the room all that often. I ordered from the special Christmas Eve menu and had chicken, mashed potatoes and chocolate cake. It was not the gourmet meal that my husband and C were eating (in laws are wonderful cooks) but the peacefulness and joy of that night are something I will never get to experience again and one that none of my family were lucky enough to enjoy. Every Christmas Eve, I know I will remember back to that night and how perfect it was.

Just after midnight I kissed my new little being, and wished her a Merry First Christmas.

Here she is 9 weeks later.

Suffering?

This is the link to what was a terrible story. The bombing in and of itself is terrible. The thought that they used unsuspecting women with Down syndrome makes it worse. Now they are saying the women didn't have Down syndrome and yes, it's no less tragic still.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080220/ap_on_re_mi_ea/iraq_bombers

My reason for linking to this story is because is because of a comment made that just makes me crazy. Here is the statement...

A U.S. military spokesman for the Baghdad area, Lt. Col. Steve Stover, also said at the time that medical experts with his division had examined the photos and agreed the women probably suffered from the genetic disorder.

What's wrong with that you might say. Whats wrong is the word SUFFERED. I get so tired of hearing that so and so suffers from Down syndrome. My daughter does not suffer. She is far from it.

Today she played happily with her cousins for hours. They pulled out every possible toy they could. She woke from her nap with a huge smile and gave me a big hug when I picked her up. Tonight she was going to Trader Joes with her daddy. She walked excitedly out the door in the purple socks, red glitter Dorothy shoes and pink and tan leopard fur coat... a get up, I mean outfit, that she picked out herself. (yes, she did have on other clothes)

She does have moments of suffering. When she wants one more Swedish fish and she can't have it. When she has to go to bed. When she has to give up a little bit of my attention to the baby... to a 3 year old, those are all things that are suffering. Trust me, that is the extent of her "suffering".

People with Down syndrome do not suffer from Down syndrome, they just happen to have it.

Does she look like she is suffering?

How can I ever say Thank You enough?

Today was a teary day. They were mostly good tears in a round about way.

I'll start off saying that my husband and I have not decided yet if we are going to have a third baby. I am all for it but he is waffling because of money. Don't get me wrong, we are far from poor but he likes to invest towards retirement. Our retirement is very secure and I say pass on investing for a few years, I make a career change to stay home during the day (work some nights and weekend) and we have a third like we want to. Of course, even if we decide to have a 3rd, we have our miscarriage history and who know if we will even get pg and then if we will stay pg. That said...

I did a lot of laundry today including lots of maternity clothes to pack away. I loved being pregnant and I love my maternity clothes. I hate to pack them away thinking I may not use them again. It made me happy to be blessed enough to have been pregnant twice. To get to see and feel a baby growing in me. To have that baby all to myself for 9 months. It's an amazing blessing.

Today was my 6 week postpartum check. I go to a phenomenal perinatologists office. This was, potentially my last time being there. The appointment went well, but I found myself crying in the elevator afterward. I sent so much time there. I went once a week for a long time, then every other week for a couple of months and then 2 and then 3 times a week. I feel like I know them all so well. I will really miss seeing all of them if we don't have a third. They have always been so great. They have shared the joy of our pregnancies with C and J and they have shared our sorrow when we had more miscarriages. They were there when I called in a panic thinking something was wrong and their calm voices helped keep me sane through the most stressful yet, great parts of my life. They really are like my family and if we are done, I will miss them dearly.

They took such great care of me and if not for their close monitoring, who knows if the complications we had at the end of both pregnancies would have been found and what the other outcome could have been.

How do you part with and thank people who helped you to reach your dream of having a baby? Thank you Dr. M, Dr. G, Dr. R, J, P, R and the entire office staff, ultrasound staff and maternity staff!

Guess, I just need to keep having babies until they retire... I just can't leave them.

It's a GIRL!!!

Yes, she is over 1 month old, but I am finally updating. Baby J was born a few weeks early but she was healthy and came home with us on Christmas day! She is just a blessing and we were so happy to have the "normal" birth experience we did not get to have with C. She was wisked away to the NICU and well, it all went nuts from there. This time was so relaxed and with the exception of the first night, and when I would take a shower, J was in with me the whole time. It was so great to have her there to bond and just stare at and enjoy with nobody else in the room. I love the NICU staff when C was there, but I just never got to be 100% alone with her!

Well, enough talking from me... here is our birth story and some pics.

Yes, Miss J is here and by far, the best Christmas gift ever!! She was 6lbs 6ozs 20 3/4 inches long.

We had been watching my fluid levels and bp. My fluid levels had dropped and bp had gone up. Well, we were 98% sure we would just schedule the c-section . (edd was January 16th with the latest c-scction date to be January 11th) Well, when I went in for a check and my fluid levels had doubled and my bp had gone down. We decided to wait and continue to watch. I was a little disappointed but happy to let the baby bake a bit longer. I went about everything, making a dessert for a party that weekend and planning on being at work on Monday, etc. Friday night I was having some stop me in my tracks shooting pains. Not contractions, just like the baby was in there poking at my cervix. I joked that s/he was poking a hole in the amniotic sac.

6am I woke to something that just didn't feel right. I was thinking my water broke but it wasn't much. I was already going to have to go to the hospital for bloodwork so I told dh what had happened and that I would go to triage. I wanted him to stay home with C and told him I would let him know if ti was my water and if not, I'd just to the lab work.

Drove to the hospital and decided that instead of hiking through the parking structure, etc. I would go right to ER. Asked where I could park closer if I thought my water had broken and he said right there. Parked the car and they had a wheelchair waiting. They took me right to triage and by then I was really thinking false alarm because nothing else had happened. Did the regular stuff, got hooked up to the monitors and the dr. came in to check me out. She took a swab to look for fluid and came back that it was negative. She did an ultrasound and again, fluid was low. Based on the u/s and her exam, she was sure my water had broken so went back and did something else with the slide. Yep... that was it! They called my dr. and told me to call dh to get him down there. The dr. was already at the hospital so he came in and wanted to get going right away. Ummm... dh still wasn't there! He left and the nurses said not to worry, they would stall him... we were not starting without dh. The baby was in no distress... I just have a great, but very impatient dr. The anestesiologist (sp?) came in and we discussed the whole process. He learned I was on heparin and ordered a blood test to check my clotting. Well, my peri didn't want to wait and based on all of my previous tests said it would be fine. The anest insisted and refused to start without it. The nurses were so excited cause it helped with the stalling. I was just sitting waiting for dh so I decided I was going to do my make up. What the heck, I had it and I had time to use it! The nurses were cracking up... hey, it was a picture taking moment and figured I'd make the most of it. Who knows when I would ever be able to lay back and put on my make up again. DH arrived and they went ahead and got us all prepped. We signed all of the paper work and were getting so excited and nervous about the time finally coming! Well, guess what, the levels were off. At 10:00ish, the decided we would have to wait until 3:00 or 4:00. We called everyone who was already told it was the day and let them know not to expect any news until at least 3:45. They moved us to a more comfortable labor and delivery room and there we waited. I was so amazed... I was not the least bit nervous the whole time. Just watched TV and read a couple of magazines. Dh went for some walks, got some lunch and read. I tried to get some sleep but just couldn't. About 12:00 I started having contractions I could actually feel. They got painful pretty fast because of the way the baby was positioned. She had been off center and in a twisted position for weeks. Well, every contraction pushed her further to the side and it was so sore. It became a challenge for me to push her back during a contraction so it wasn't so bad.
I heard my drs voice saying we were all set. They came in and started getting everything set to move. We asked about the camera in the OR and they said it was fine just not to take any pictures while the NICU team was working on the baby. That was when I got t little worried. I really loved those people with C but didn't want to have to go that route again. I just calmed myself secure in the feeling that this baby was MORE then ready to come meet us and all would be fine.

We were off to the OR. It was much more relaxed then last time. At a slightly quiet moment, I said, "I need everyone's attention". They all kind of stopped like, yes? I explained that we did not know if the baby was a boy or a girl. That with C, nobody told us for a little while and this time, I wanted the movie moment. I wanted lots of hoopala when they said "It's A ___". They asked if there was anything else and I said nope, that's it. The rest will be just fine. I got my spinal and dh came back in. One of the nurses kept laughing because the baby was way off to the side again and kicking and elbowing like crazy. She said she had never seen one so eager to get out!

We got started. Since it was not an emergency this time it did take a lot longer. Everyone was joking and having a good time which was great for us. All the sudden a hand pressed down REALLY hard under my ribcage and the anest popped over and said there's the head. She asked if I wanted to see it. I was leery because it was coming out of a big incision but she said I should look, it was amazing. I said yes and GOD... IT WAS SO COOL!!! She held up a hand mirror and there she was! I didn't even notice that it was a surgical procedure. I just saw an AMAZING face. When they took the rest of her out they yelled "It's a girl!" They great thing was, as they said it, I could SEE she was a girl! She let out a rip roaring scream like she was telling everyone to SHUT UP... we were too loud! It was 3:49pm.

The NICU team took her and started working on her. Dh could see them and said she was fighting them like crazy. She was kicking and pushing at them and screaming away. She was just perfect! They told dh he could come over and to my surprise, he did. (He was so afraid of seeing ANYTHING from the surgery) I could hear him taking pictures, telling this person and that to hold her up. I was so happy he was so excited. They brought her over and she was adorable!!! He sat down and the nurse handed her right to him. He was in love already. (Keep in mind he did not hold C for about a week because he was so afraid, etc.) He rolled closer and I could see her, kiss her, smell her.

Since we had not been through a plain old birth before, we were asking what was next. Did they take the baby, etc. She said nope, we will put her on moms chest and wheel you over to recovery. We got to take her with us!!! We headed over to recovery and got to look over every part of her. She was just amazing and so calm by then. No screaming anymore. They did come about 25 minutes later to get her and take her to really clean her up and we were taken over to our home away from home for a few days.

It was so great to have her in my room, to take care of her, feed her, change her, cuddle her whenever I wanted. If I was awake, she was in my arms or in the bed next to me.
DH brought C the next morning. She was so excited when she came in the room and she looked SOOOOO BIG!!! Dh put her up on the bed and she was great. She loved saying Hi Baby! She was playing with my phone and decided baby had to try it, they she was sharing her favorite Bed Bug doll... she was so sweet.

We were told that Tuesday looked like the day to go home. The family scrambled to decide what to do for Christmas and J and I spent a fantastic Christmas Eve alone in our room. It was so peaceful and will probably be my favorite Christmas Eve ever! (my parents did stop by for 1 hour) At midnight, with her in the bed next to me, I wished her a Merry Christmas!
When we got up that morning, I started to get really emotional. Since Christmas 1998, Christmas had always had a cloud over it. It was that day, 9 years ago to the day, that we were in the Emergency Room on Christmas only to be told that our first baby was miscarried. I am kind of weird about dates and the way things circle. This circle had closed 9 years to the date when our whole up and down journey began. We had gone full circle and we now were a complete family on Christmas Day.

It was the best Christmas EVER!

UPDATE ONE
Well, J is doing great. C is loving her and dh has really stepped up this time. I on the other hand had a bit of a setback.

We went in to have the staples removed. I had been having some bleeding from the incision for a few days but was told that was ok. Well, in my case it wasn't. The skin layer had joined together but the fatty layer under hadn't. Since there was a gap, blood had pooled underneath and it had to be cleaned out before it became infected. YIKES!!! That hurt. Well, in the end, the incision opened back up about 3 inches. We had 2 choices... to either leave it and pack it 3-4 times a day for weeks or to go back into surgery and have it cleaned and stitched back up again. Well, I don't want to be dealing with an open wound for weeks so we opted for the OR. Went back at 2:00 for a 4:00 procedure. My dad took me so that dh could stay home with the kids since it seems like everyone else is sick or getting over being sick. The anestesiologist asked if I wanted a general or a spinal and I told him I wanted which ever would get me out sooner. He said the general would so I chose that. Well, I awoke to the dr. telling me that he had to reopen the whole incision (just the top skin and fatty tissue layer) and clean out a lot of old blood and he did an antibiotic rinse even though there was no sign of infection. He stitched it all back up using sutures instead of the staples (which I HATED!) I was still really groggy but I heard him mention a drain and me having to stay overnight. WHAT??? I was supposed to go home that night. Fact is I was too groggy to care/fight/question. They checked me into a room and I had to call dh and tell him he would be on his own with a 3 year old and a 5 day old. He was fine with it and so was I on the phone. Of course, when I hung up, started bawling. I was hormonal, my milk had just come in but luckily I had brought the pump, and I was going to have to spend another night away from C who I already felt I was neglecting because I couldn't pick her up, and even when she was sitting next to me, I was so cautious because of my insicion. Anyway, spent the night which was a nightmare. I was on a surgical floor, not the maternity floor. What a difference. Patients yelling all night, a lot of noise, etc. It was NUTS!!! I think dh got more sleep at home then I did there. So the next morning the resident came in and checked me out. He said all looked great and I should be good to leave the next day!!! WTF??? The hormones couldn't take that one and I just started bawling! He asked if I had expected to go home that day and I said I had expected to be home last night! He said to just ignore what he said and he would be back with the dr. from my practice. 3 hours later I called my favorite nurse at their office. She asked if everything was ok and I said that I was still here and she said where? I said I was in the hospital and she was shocked. They had assumed we went home last night as planned. She said she would track the dr. down and get her right over. She did and they agreed to let me go after the nurse educated me on the drain. I had a lot to watch for but I got to go home!!! Dh did GREAT with the 2 girls and seemed to have it all under control so I was very proud of him! It's killing me that my milk had just came in and because of the anestesia, I had to dump the 24+hours of milk. ARGHH!!! I was just glad that our only hiccup this time was with me. J's visit to the pedi went great. Bili was great and she had gained 1 ounce. No matter what, looking at her I can say she is worth ALL OF IT!!!

Well, here she is...

Blogging? When?

Yes, I don't know when I will be finding time to blog. (not that I have been that great at it anyway) I am pleased to announce that our second child was born right before Christmas. C has a baby sister that she loves dearly! (for now)


I know lots of other moms with more kids then me who still manage to blog but I am hopefully changing jobs and will be a stay at home mom during the day. I know this will leave me MUCH busier then I was when I went to an outside job. Because of that, not sure when I will blog. I will need to learn how to get into a new routine of getting C off to school and then give both C and J (baby sister) the time and attention they need in addition to trying to keep the house clean and make a meal every now and then.


I am sure I'll be back occasionally, but I am so blessed so the trade off is FAR worth it!